I have been with my partner for almost 15 years and we have a 6 year old. I struggled after our child was born - I had depression, struggled with breastfeeding, and felt unsupported by my partner who quickly went back to work despite my asking him to take more time off. Since then I have felt resentful towards my partner, I have lost interest in sex, and the relationship has deteriorated. We get on fine on a day to day level, we parent our child who is a happy, fiesty 6 year old, and the machinery of the relationship works very well. When our child was 1 my partner had a conversation with me about sex as I had not felt any interest in it since giving birth (a straightforward birth - I had an episiotomy which has healed into a small scar, no other lasting physical effects). Essentially he said if we weren't having sex then maybe this was the end of the relationship. At the time I could not face this, I was still recovering mentally from depression, feeling totally flattened by being a parent, and could not imagine managing as a single parent, so I started having sex with my partner again. I could tell when he was going to ask me and would psych myself up, and basically thoughout the whole thing would be talking to myself silently, saying 'it's ok, you can do this, it's ok'. Finally last year I realised I could not longer do this and started being a lot more open about my feelings and how things have been for me - which has been hard for my partner to hear. Most conversations become aboout him feeling emotional over what I am saying to him, and me feeling bad for telling him things that he finds hard, and we end up stuck like that. I started having counselling early last year which was partly what encouraged me to be more open. I also met someone who i felt strongly attracted to, and although nothing happened with this person and I kept my feelings very much in my own mind, i felt my sexuality was waking up again after being dormant for so long. I tried to apply these feelings back into the relationship with my partner, but I just can't face sex again after years of making myself go through with it and feeling like my discomfort with sex was unimportant or unnoticed. My partner and I have started couples counselling specifically about our sexual relationship this January. I am determined that I won't let myself end up back in the situation of going through the motions of intimacy while feeling despairing about it, but I am not sure how to work out exactly what I do want. I know that if my partner gave me the same ultimatum about sex now as he did a few years ago then I would now feel able to leave and survive on my own. I feel an obligation to do as much as i can to try and make the relationship work out, and to try and work on the issues about sex, but I also feel an internal resistance to giving any ground at all. Any move towards physical intimacy feels like submitting to something. I swing between feeling stubborn and refusing to compromise, and feeling like this whole thing is my fault and it would be for the best if I could just give in and force myself to get on with relationship, sex, etc. I want to see the counselling through but I am frightened of what will happen if it doesn't resolve anything - it's likely the relationship will end and it will essentially be on me. What else can I do? Have I done enough to try and resolve these issues?