Need honest opinions am I unreasonable?

[Clueless1978]

Been together for 2 years, serious for the last one I guess. I have 3 teenagers and my BF has one young son. Both divorced and I’m trying to navigate through new territory!

BF has his son every weekend (which is great) however every weekend I dread! He constantly messages how he is struggling, what he should do where he should go etc. I use to want to help and I did, I spent time with them. However, I have found it increasingly harder and have decided to withdraw completely. I get on very well with his son, just my BF turns into a different person in everyway. He isn’t nice to be around, he constantly moans and treats his child like a baby. I’m on tender hooks the whole time, I don’t have my kids at weekends they are off doing clubs and sports.

ive tried to talk to him and now at my age want to enjoy my weekends too. So have started meeting up with friends and going away for them. He doesn’t like it and wants me to spend time with them instead.

my BF has some mental health issues and totally struggle’s entertaining him all weekend. Come Monday he is exhausted and he is in a bad mood always! As he misses his son but moans the whole time he has him.

He has every evening free and I’ve suggested he speak to ex about swapping days around. He does some nights during the week and every other weekend. She won’t change and want her weekends every week to herself (part of me doesn’t blame her she is in new relationship)

so I’m stuck! Need your advice please.
start of my relationship wasn’t like this, he saw him twice a week during the week. Had opportunity to have him more but declined as said couldn’t handle it because of mental health.

So I have a BF now who will never be able (he has said this) to go away with me or have a weekend off.

No holiday together unless I give up the time I have with my children and go during the week. Feel like I’m the only one who is going to have to sacrifice. He thinks I should give up that to do things with him

I think this is unfair, I certainly not asking for the world respect his wants to be present for his son. I just can’t see how it’s fair to get the right balance

listen to him moan about having him, then the extreme of upset nights when he doesn’t as missing him. Then me, selfishly wanting to spend time with BF alone just every now and then. Am I unreasonable?

I think weekends are so much easier than week days- relaxed, no work/school/nursery run, rushing about worrying about homework/teeth/getting up on time/getting to bed early. You can go out, do fun things, don't need a proper schedule. He needs to buck up.

For a relationship to work there needs to be compromise from both sides but at the moment I can only see you compromising.

Can you sit him down and tell him where you are at as you are at a crossroads right now and I don’t think he knows it.

I found weekdays easier when mine were younger and can imagine he would cope better 5 days a week instead of whole days of entertaining(only child who doesn’t play by himself ever) as routine, pick up from school dinner, bath and bed x

Feel very low on the pecking order! That might be being ridiculous - Not sure if how I’m feeling is even normal

just asked if free on a day on school holidays as friends invited us out for the day.

“I need to wait to find out what ex is doing first” 🙄 not use to this and don’t even know if I can cope anymore. 5 years ahead like this!!

how do you do it?

They don't.

Self worth/self esteem prevents most people from settling for so little from a whinge bag like that.
They value themselves so they simply wouldn't be interested in being around a whiny twat.

What’s he got that’s keeping you hanging around at his beck and call? Cos I’m not seeing it.

He hasn’t when you put it like that! I came out of very long marriage and got with him. But was so different at the start slowly got myself into this mess, by accepting and worrying that I was being selfish

thank you xxx