Struggling to sleep when I’m with my partner

[WhatShallIdo11]

I’ve been with my partner for nearly a year - we live a couple of hours away from each other. I’ve been single for 10 years and never, ever thought I would want to live with anyone again after 2 15 year plus relationships. Until now. My partner is very tactile and loving - bliss - he loves cuddles as do I but I’m struggling to actually sleep when we are together. Up until now it’s not been an issue as I can get by with a few hours sleep for a couple of days but now we are talking about moving in together. I’m struggling to share a bed with him - do you get used to it again after a long break?

I hate to be the voice of doom but I have never got used to it and I am in my 50’s.
Met my partner in my 40’s after being on my own for many years.
I go to bed early and I am a light sleeper.
He goes to bed late and can sleep through anything. He also snores really, really loudly.
We tried everything but when we moved in together I couldn’t go on so now I sleep in another room with earplugs.
It has affected our relationship in that we lost some physical closeness but the lack of sleep
was not good.

Oh dear - that’s what I feared! Our sleep pattern is similar and we are both light snorers which doesn’t disturb either of us. I get very warm in bed and he feels the cold so wants to snuggle up while I want to throw the duvet off - we are well into our 60’s so don’t suppose we will change now but it’s not something that happened when I was younger. I’m keeping my current home so will have to nip back to get some zzzz

I was like this when I was first with my husband but it improved over time. I think it was psychological as my ex was abusive. What we do is have separate duvets, a big bed so we have our own space, and I use earplugs. Now I sleep as well with him as without. There is hope!

Thank you - we both have king size beds in our respective homes - he has 2 electric blankets at his - he’ll turn both on if I’m there and I’ll turn my side off after a little while - I don’t have any on mine and sleep with the window open even when it’s freezing - think our body thermostats are very different - hopefully in time we will find what works for us both.

They sell Duvets on amazon that are half and half. one side is 10.5tog other 4.5tog

It was psychological for me. Never used to be able to sleep with my partner in bed with me even though he slept well on his side of a huge bed and we had separate duvets (single now), but with my 6yo who basically slept/still sleeps pretty much on top of me? No problem at all!

You don't actually have to share a bed! You can have separate beds and only get together when you want to be together.

This.

I'd consider separate rooms if you have the space.

Or the biggest bed you can fit in the room and separate duvets. Or twin beds.

You can still be intimate and slip back to your own bed, or vice versa.

It’s harder to share as you get older. Sleep is precious and v important to health. Not a new partner but I now have different room because DH snores, gets up to pee 100 times a night, gets cold in bed and likes the windows and curtains open. I like dark, silent and freezing cold. When I became sleep deprived due to menopausal changes I nearly killed him. Separate rooms is bliss. Can share evening / early morning but for actual sleeping we are better in our own rooms.