Why the constant "subtle" put downs?

[MrsSnape]

My mum has just been around, it annoys me, they spend all weekend with my grandma going here and there, if they go and drop something off at her house they will stay all day but if they come here its a 5 minute stop, despite knowing that I'm on my own, penniless with the kids and could probably do with the company. They don't even have a cup of tea or anything.

As soon as they got here today my mum said "Grandma asked me earlier if you'd been in all weekend again" (in other words why havn't you taken the kids out etc). I just said "oh", not wanting to get drawn into a conversation about how lazy I am etc

Then there were comments about how my house is always "Upside down" - I don't care, I like it like that and again I just ignored it not wanting to get drawn into a conversation where I'm made to feel like a slob.

2 minutes later "Grandma asked if you'd been in all weekend again..." I again said "oh, did she".

She then looked at my garden which I've spent all weekend doing by myself (its a huge garden, completely wild etc) and said "doesn't it annoy you when you just can't get it looking right?" so I said "I don't think it looks that bad actually, I've been doing it all weekend".

que "Oh? Grandma asked if you'd been stuck in all weekend again..."

In the end I just said "yeah well, I've been feeling ill" to which I just recieved a 'look' and a "oh."

Am I being over-sensitive?

MrsS you've posted before about your mum and my impression is that she doesn't listen to you at all. You may as well reply "Yes, I have been home all weekend making nuclear bombs for toddler group" because she'll still make the grandma remark.

Do you really think she's trying to put you down - is this what she does with your sister? It might just be the way she phrases things - badly imo.

Well done on all the gardening though.

Ask your mum if she has Alzheimer's because she keeps asking you the same questions over and over.

What is it to your mum or grandma what you choose to do with your time, your house and your garden? Busybodies.

Tell your ma, in suitably concerned tones, that you think she might benefit from having a full health check as the constant repetition of meaningless words makes her sound like her memory is going.

Sorry, no proper advice, but it is wearing being under a constant drip of criticism. Perhaps you could start repetitively asking her "So can you come round and help me out more?"

Just start talking about "Oh it's GREAT.... so relaxing! So and so is always at her wits end trying to run around fitting too much in, I'm SO lucky to be able to take it easy and not live up to some unrealistic superwoman standard....."

;)

exactly, she just repeats the same stuff all the time, asks the same questions, tells the same stories hundreds of times, makes the same comments over and over again. She doesn't listen, I have tried to talk to her about my karate and as soon as I mention it I look at her just in time to see her rolling her eyes as if to say "not this boring shit again".

My holiday to Florida, she knows how much I have wanted to go and for how long and now I've finally booked it she won't talk to me about it, she obviously finds it dull (presumably because it doens't include her) and I think she assumes I won't make it anyway.

I was just thinking about my family earlier before they came, they really are the type to kick you when you're down. When I was suffering from PND with DS1 all the family said I was living like a tramp and one aunt said (behind my back) "if she hadn't just had that baby I'd have slapped her for living in such a shit hole".

If I say I want to move house I get "you'd never afford it" same with the holiday.

I'm just sick of being pulled down all the time.

Ask her why, if she finds you so boring and your house so terrible, she keeps coming round. Perhaps you need to surround yourself with some positive people? Any chance of that and reducing visits from your mother? It's not very healthy the way she talks to you.. ....

They need a good dose of "Shut the fuck up, how dare you speak to me like that in my own home!? Where on Earth are your manners, you were never this rude when I was growing up, 's mother wouldn't dream of being so unhelpful! Mind you, maybe that's why she manages so well, she has a supportive family...."

I gave my mother (who is happy to snipe but moans if I ask her to help) a good "Don't you dare speak to me like that in my own house!" and it's worked, she's a lot more polite now.

well if she's that irritating it's probably good that she doesn't stay long, but why don't you say outright: I've got no money and I need a break, please can you watch the kids for half an hour so I can go for a walk?

or something

Next time she comes round tell her your just on the way out & take the kids to the park. That will get rid of her & shut her up

Message withdrawn

Message withdrawn

Message withdrawn