How do you know if you still love partner in a long term relationship?

[Bluebellsnowdrop]

Been together over 20 years. Last couple of years felt distant and don't know if I still love him. Just wanted to ask others that have been together long term how it feels after the initial attraction/infatuation wears off?

Ok it sounds like, from your perspective at least, he hasn’t been careful or patient in the way he responds to you and that has worn away at your feelings for him…is that about right? What do you think he would say? Have you had decent discussions about this over the years? If/when you explain to him how the shortness of temper and way he speaks to you makes you feel, how does he respond? Is he sorry? Does he agree that it’s an issue? Does he think he does it because of something you do?

How he responds to it being brought to his attention is key as to whether you can improve things. I think you need to bite the bullet, sit him down and explain how you’re feeling. You don’t have to tell him you’re not sure if you love him, but you could say something along the lines of ‘I need you to know that when you’re short tempered or speak to me in a dismissive/derogatory way, it wears away at me. These things have an effect, I can’t just ignore them and they have been wearing away at me for some time now. I’m concerned for the state of our relationship. I want us to be kind to each other and to build each other up so that our relationship gets stronger over time not weaker. I accept that there are things I do in the relationship that are not very loving to you and I want to hear what they are so I can work on them, but we are both responsible for our own actions and if we are to build that better relationship some things are going to have to change.’ If he responds well and lovingly to that, then you have a basis for moving forward and there’s a good chance your feelings towards him will feel more like love again over time. If he doesn’t want to know, well then you’re left with a choice of whether you’re willing to put up with that or not…..
I really hope this works out for you.

We have talked about it quite recently. He acknowledged that he has acted like that. Time will tell if anything changes.

Men don’t change.

Just here to say I hear you OP. Every word.

I think a lot of people feel like this.