Abusive ex rewriting history

[Susannah78]

How do you manage abusive ex husband whitewashing history and if his abuse is mentioned, he states that is an opinion despite concrete evidence.
We share children and he is a typical I shout I need my time with my children but yet doesn’t apply himself to any extra time. Surrounded by women who support his behaviour.
I have no interest in our past relationship now after much much counselling but how is it normal to act like this?

How do you manage him? I’m not sure you can, I’m not saying it’s normal but just that he’s unlikely to change. Unless he’s poisoning the children’s minds then I think you’ve just got to try to care less - or rather not at all - about what he says and does. I’m sure he loves the attention he gets by painting himself as the victim, especially if he thinks it’s hurtful to you. If counselling helped you before, maybe a little more might help you to harden up to this new way he’s found of abusing you.

Sorry, yes, that was worded wrongly. I suppose how do I manage my sadness at his ability to simply pretend that the abuse and infidelity didn’t occur. As if I wasn’t up until the last moments of his it marriage taking all the blame and hurt for the breakdown. He manipulated my family too and is still in not so secretive contact with my mother who was a terrible example to me growing up.
It is not an easy situation in to which to remain calm in especially with young children. I would not dream of contacting his parents despite being really close to true m yet he does so regularly and mum will tell him personal things which I would rather he did not know.

You have a mother problem OP.
I would answer any questions the children have honestly, but otherwise don’t be drawn into his drama.
I would reduce contact with your meddling Mother x

Thanks, yes. I do try but again it is hard with young children. Ex husband takes great pleasure in playing the victim and I have to find ways to toughen up it would seem. How do I manage this for the next thirteen years?!

I don't understand why you're still so involved with your ex. Download a co parenting app and communicate with him on that. Block him on social media and don't let him in the house. Ask people not to mention him to you.

You need to accept that he's not going to change.

How do you manage him…..by managing yourself. Not a single thing you can do in the whole world to manage another person, especially abusive people. My favourite saying is “let them”. Over time you learn to sever any connection to him emotionally. They become totally unimportant, doing their thing, saying their things but none of it has any impact on you. Why? Because you are a wonderful amazing person/mother/friend etc that it can’t touch you!

The only thing you can control OP is yourself and how you react.
He is trying to control you , do things to upset you and make you react! Don’t give him that power. There is some good advice above .
Take it and stop contact except through parenting app where you have a record of any abuse.
No social media contact and NEVER ALLOW ANY EXCUSE TO BE INSIDE YOUR HOME x
You’ve moved mountains by leaving him, push harder and limit his presence inside your head x