HELPP my marriage is over

[NewAccount1990]

After my recent AIBU, I've ended my marriage. Long story short, within 3 weeks of marriage the following happened:
My partner allowed his mother to be venomous towards me, she really was derogatory and my partner didn't challenge it.
My partner lied about putting money aside, for our renovation (we should have been putting aside the same amount of money each month)
My partner has told several lies, that have seriously damaged the trust.

To complicated things, I'm 7 weeks pregnant. He moved out of our joint mortgaged house yesterday and went back to the very people (his parents who attack me) for me, that's a nail in the coffin.

What do I do now? I can't divorce him. I cant stop him coming back when he wants. And I can't ensure he pays his half of the mortgage (obviously ill foot all the other bills) and I'm pregnant.

I'm just at such a loss!

How come you can’t divorce him? Sorry I didn’t see your other post so I’m probably missing something

Try and think of one thing at a time.

How do you feel about the pregnancy and being tied to him for the rest of your life?

So how long have you been married? If it’s under a year you can’t get divorced
If you can’t afford to run the house, and he won’t pay half, see a solicitor and force the sale.

@PumpkinSpicedLatte - I believe you can't get divorced in the first 12 months?

@TENSsion I can't be tied to him and his family for the rest of my life. Ive had suicidal thoughts because of how his family have treated me. He's aware of this but he brings his family into our marriage / relationship all the time. If i challenge him on poor washing up, he runs to his parents and bad mouths me. They all slag me off, he'll show me the messages from his parents just to beat me down a little more. Then cries how sorry he is and I should give him another chance as he's trying

For context, my dad, who's always been my best friend, didn't turn up to my wedding because of how he and his family treated me. He was very clear my partner shifted all responsibility onto me, for example he said to my dad, his kids wouldn't be as poorly behaved and they would be happier if I did more with them! I did all the cooking, cleaning, washing for 4 kids, whilst my partner had the luxury of playing with them.

All that said a termination petrifies me.

Would you consider a termination of the pregnancy?

@TENSsion - I'm writing this as I cry, I feel it is my only choice

I'm so mentally and physically unwell atm. I throw up 10 plus times a day, I'm exhausted yet it's buisness as usual. I'm doing everything for my daughter. Just about to get her to school. Yesterday when he left he was out for a walk, went for a drink and a curry with his mates. Ive told nobody but he's told all his friends and family. It's really bizarre how I'm left carrying all the heavy weight of his behaviour but he blames me.

He said I wanted us to stick together and work through things. I wanted to have the child together and build a future and you didn’t want that.

So I guess I brought all this on myself

Do you have other children? Or are the other children you mention just his?

If you have this child how certain are you that he will step up and do his share post-divorce, financially & care-wise?
He sounds horrible & like he isn't a great dad to the children he already has.

Make an appointment with your local clinic and they will talk you through your options. They’ll be kind xx

Sorry posted as you posted your update & see you have a daughter.
So sorry you are in this position. As a pp said, reach out to a clinic and discuss your options. Talking it through with a third party will help you clarify your feelings x

In all honesty do not have this baby, you will be tied to him for ever and that's not what you want with a compulsive liar!

You can divorce him don't worry about that I got a divorce pretty much as soon as I found out my husband cheated on me 6 months after we got married.

He will constantly let you down, constantly let your child down and won't be a supportive co parent. I've been through this and I wish I had a termination, as much as I love my daughter to pieces I wish I never fell for the compulsive lies and false promises that come with it. I am now a single parent whose life is manipulated and controlled by him by using her as ammo!

@jujustdone88 - they are the kind of family that will make my life hell. They'll drag me through court and things.

Oddly enough, his current ex wife is taking him through court, and his parents are funding it....

Exactly you don't and will not need this kind of bullshit once you've rid of him. Having a child with him will end up allowing this sort of bullshit. I know it's a shit situation and not an easy choice but you've got to think of the future. Sometimes in life you have to make choices to suit you and not others and be a little selfish. I wouldn't want anything to do with this guy. He's a compulsive liar and it won't end here otherwise.

Can't you get an annulment? Isn't that what it's called when it's too soon for a divorce?

In your position I would explore what’s best for you and any of your ‘existing’ children. The thought of having a child with my ex and having him in my life makes my blood run cold. Imagine possible scenarios in your life two years, five years, ten years from now and that may help you to find the answer.

Can you get the marriage annulled?

Get an annulment you can do this - prove that he lied.

Change the locks.

He will and his family will have access to this baby - consider if you want to continue - if you don’t organise this quickly and see your GP.

I'm sorry this is happening to you but thankfully he's shown you what he is early on. I'm afraid I'd have a termination in these circumstances. You do not want to be tied to this prick and his hideous family for the next 18 years. They will make your life miserable. I'd see a solicitor about forcing the sale of the house and an annulment.

I am so sorry you are having such a dreadful time.
As PP say make an appointment at the pregnancy clinic to explore your options and feelings.
Make an appointment to see a solicitor. They will advise you on what next steps you need to take to divorce as soon as legally possible.
Look after yourself and your DC. How old is your daughter? Do you have other children?
Keep any evidence of his poor behaviour and nasty texts so they can be used to show the marriage has broken down completely.
Has he ever been violent or do you fear for your own safety? If not stay at the house and he can stay at his parents. If you are worried about your safety contact women’s aid for advice as it would be safer for to leave.
Good luck

@Devilsmommy @Lefthanddownnumberone @ByQuaintAzureWasp
I have been reading up on annulments but people appear to find them really hard to get? I will see if I can speak to a solicitor about it.

All the other comments, deep down I know a termination is my only option otherwise I'll continue to have to live in this state of high alert waiting for them to trip me up for the rest of my life. I just can't find the courage to book the appointment. Its such a big thing I've never thought about in my life.

I have 2 children, a 4 year old and a 13 year old to a previous relationship. They are great kids, but I do 99% myself. I don't know how I'd manage with a baby on top of everything

@NewAccount1990 I understand how hard it is dealing with a termination, from personal experience. However, throwing a baby into such a toxic environment is not good for anyone, especially the baby. I really think your focus should be on the children you already have as they are going to need your support when you split with your partner. Especially as you know him and his family are going to try their hardest to make it difficult for you. I really hope you can get some support to help you through what I imagine is going to be a nightmare. Just keep your children at the forefront of your mind and stay strong for them 💐

This all sounds completely overwhelming and you’re going to have to take things one at a time at the moment.

I think in the immediate short term you need to get to the gp for some mental health support.
Secondly, you need to access your real life support network. Tell your friends and family what you’re going through.
Thirdly, make an appointment to discuss termination. Don’t see this as making that decision yet. Just giving you options.
Look at your financial options. Get legal advice if you can afford. Can you take a mortgage holiday?

Leave the issue of divorce/annulments aside for now it’s not going to make a difference in the short term.

I’m sorry this is happening to you OP.
Please see a solicitor- they do free 30 minute consultations and get this marriage annulled.
You have so much to deal with, having a child with this horrible man and abusive family will be devastating to you and your 2 children.
Speak up to your Health professionals and please get an abortion. You cannot be tied to these people for the rest of your life, it would be an abusive toxic hell

Be brave and act today OP.

It's quite straightforward to get an annulment @NewAccount1990

https://www.gov.uk/how-to-annul-marriage/apply-for-an-annulment