When you are into fitness and your partner isnt so much!

[Charlie12023]

I was wondering if anyone has this dilemma, its not a deal breaker but just a little harder. Im a runner/love the gym and use to run around 50k - 60k a week with my running club and also went to the gym to do other things to compliment etc and truly loved it, I also walk my dog an hour a day too. I have been with my partner a year now, he is the sweetest soul, very generous, loving and great fun to be with, I just love being with him.

However, he isnt a runner lol or a huge gym goer unless I push him to go or suggest we join a gym together, he use to do weights but at his house as he has many machines and maybe used it 4 times a week but nothing else really. I hate working out a home as I work from home so this doesnt work for me really. His ex of 16 years was a drinker, worked long hours, they had kids together and his lifestyle was very much his job, (he works really hard, great business) their kids and their life, she was definitely not into anything other than her wine which is fine, but thats not me as I hardly drink. However in the process he was not looking healthy at all and ending up drinking more with her and putting on weight. He admitted he hated how he looked and it spiralled.

Whilst being with me, he looks so much happier, healthier and is cooked fresh meals most nights/times and as I hardly drink, he is the same ish now and has a glass or two maybe once or twice a week if that! He admits to feeling great now which is lovely to hear!

Now that I have settled into our home together, I have missed my running as I kind of got lazy, had an injury and was away lot with my partner which has been amazing. However I have put on weight lol and well ....enjoying life shall we say!
I am now getting back into running, back at the gym and really enjoying it again, missed it terribly. My partner has said to me, not too sure how you would fit it all in or how we will fit it in (I wont have any problems as I will fit in at lunchtimes, early am and evenings).

The problem with myself is I hate feeling frumpy, lol its just not in my nature, or makes me feel great, if anything i feel awful, sluggish, bloated and well hate to say not attractive in myself. I really do it for me, the issue I have is I can only go running alone as he doesnt and I will want to train hard at the gym but can go with him, its just he only does 20mins weights and thats it. I am not too sure how to go about this without upsetting the balance, I think he fears me not doing enough with him, trust me we are seeing loads with eachother oustide of work 24/7 and the rest is spent with his son/his mum/my parents/friends etc.

Its just I had this life without him before, which is only fair to get a balance. It brings me happiness and keeps me focused at work as its very demanding. I also work from home so need to get out running/walking/gym. He knew I was madly into running when we first met, but admitted he didnt want my life to be consumed by it like it was before we met, Im now trying to get a balance!

Has anyone had this issue before as in how did you tackle it, or did you just get on with it and hope he accepted it lol. Thats my hope :) I also want to feel good in myself, he isnt too fussed with his fitness/weight which is fine thats his choice but hoping this might make him want to enjoy fitness more as its a huge part of me.

thank you for reading :)

If the option of him joining you is usually/ sometimes there (even if he's not choosing to do so) then that's his decision! If he wants more time with you, he know where to find you.

Unless you have failed to mention that you are training for a massive event that is taking up all your spare hours / leaving you too knackered for anything else, he's being unreasonable to complain about you having an interest outside the relationship.

I'd be a bit put off a guy who didn't have a passion of his own and who expected us to do everything together

Can you give us a rough plan of a week to see just how much running or fitness is planned? Hard to figure if you’re being unreasonable or not otherwise.

makes sense, as its more about having an interest outside of the relationship, thats something he doesnt quite have, he just fears me enjoying my fitness and it takes up most of my time without him, I will do this around 2 hours a day I have that time, the other times he sees his son who is 16, but he is soon to go to college this year and he worries he doesnt want to see him anymore, which is only normal as he has his own friends, so I think my partner is feeling a little lonely.

Just go off and do the things you want to do and he goes off and does what he wants.

you must have some shared interests which meet in the middle?

Just because you are a couple, you’re not joined at the hip!

You just do you and let him do what he wants to do. I play tennis and my DH isn’t interested so I go out to my lessons / club 3 or so times a week and do other fitness without him. If I was into knitting or candle making I wouldn’t expect him to do the same thing.

I do what I want to do, he does his stuff as and when (seems to be a lot more talking than action 😆) whereas I don't really discuss it and get on with it.
He knows it helps me feel better generally, and that makes me a lot happier and easier to live with so he gets something out of it.
I'm not going to stop doing stuff just because he doesn't want to.

Right thats exactly what I am going to do, say nothing and just do it 😆he will benefit, I wont be moaning about my fitness 😉 thank you!!!

Live your life, embrace your fitness passion and be your best (health, happiness wise) and he will reap the benefits.

Take the time to do what you love. This is how you maintain your health and it's a necessary part of your lifestyle. Your dog walking is essential for your dog's health and wellbeing. Your partner shouldn't be trying to limit your interest in health and fitness. Is he feeling insecure about fit gym guys?

I lead a pretty healthy lifestyle. It takes time to maintain a good level of fitness and eat healthy. I wouldn't like a partner trying to make me decrease my workouts.

Interesting post and constant theme in my life!

Main thing is, don’t stop your activities - that’ll become a regret. Keep going. But also, you can’t change him. He may resent you and feel not good enough if you keep pushing him to change.

I think you just need to accept you’re different.

I’m currently thinking of dating a man whose lifestyle is food and wine, while mine is gym and broccoli. I just fear it really wouldn’t work as he’d get lonely on his gourmet meals and I’d feel pressured to drink etc.

However I’ve had it in reverse most of my life. I spent about 14 years dating pro athletes and I felt a lot of pressure to be more like them. At times felt my body wasn’t good enough (lack of 6pack abs), that I wasn’t committed to a strict enough diet when I had a week of eating more casually as opposed to following a plan, and not active enough if I couldn’t keep up with their running and hiking desires on holiday.

Based on my experience I’d say you both have to accept differences and not try to change each other. Accept that you have a shared lifestyle element but then your separate parts too.

Ah that is interesting and thank you for sharing, that was exactly the issue I had in relation to others I dated, I felt I had to keep up with the pro athletes and that their lifestyle was more consumed by what they did/ate and trained for, which made me feel quite isolated so its getting a balance with someone who just kind of likes it like I do, thats hard, but like you I dont follow a plan per se just enjoy it and my partner like yours likes his food and wine and has kids, Im a more free spirit, maybe we should go for a run/fitness and leave them to go out!! 😂

Another vote for just enjoying different things!
I do several sports and I'm out multiple times a week. Partner is more of a gamer. He'll go on solo hikes or long bike rides every couple of months and that's it. As long as there's no disparity about responsibilities etc it's fine.

I'm actually glad I have something entirely separate, not least because I can tell he has a natural talent (I do not) and id be really irritated if he dipped in to join me and was better than me!

Thanks for your thoughts :)

If you are exercising 2h a day, and some of it is your lunch hour etc, it really isn't that much time apart. He just needs to accept that you had a life before him and you're not giving up all that's important to you to be with him.

Health and fitness are really important for overall wellbeing, so don't feel guilty and don't feel like you need to eat poorly to fit into your relationship. You'll still have your meals together, most of the weekend together etc. Maybe look at exercsing early mornings more if you're looking for some kind of compromise?

My ex would do a 5/6am workout while I was having a lie-in so I barely noticed!

We also used to go to the gym together, where he'd do a longer and much more focused workout, I might have finished earlier but would then either do some extras with him or just stretch/ get a longer shower.

He can join the dog walks also!

I'd say keep making him feel like he's welcome to join but don't pressure him to join. When he sees you're not quitting, he will find ways to slot into this.

Bro, i have my boyfriend and its been 6 months since we started dating..but I'm a person who is fitness enthusiast but my bf is not at all. and i don't feel good at all i mean for me an idealistic man is someone who looks after his fitness and physique. Ofc i like gym bros not too bulky but a decent figure. And my bf doesn't have one. Idk this is big turnoff for me and i dont like it. Should i tell him? or breakup because it clearly means i dont love him!