Feel so depressed at work

[Feelputon]

Title says it all really. I work in an NHS setting in an administrative role, lets say primary care so its not too outing. I am sitting her again holding back the tears. My workplace is shocking. My senior manager hasn't spoken to me for weeks. Most of them creep in and creep out so they don't have to interact with the staff. We had nothing at Xmas, not even a card or a "Happy Christmas". Senior managers work very few hours and have huge holiday allowances. I have been here a long time and always given 100% (through thick and thin). I feel so worthless. The staff turnover is high (I have seen at least 100 people go since I have been here). Moral is poor and I am upset that noone will do anything about it. I only have 3 years to go before I can take my pension, do I stick it or get out? I have tried to work from home which helps a little, getting on with it and just keeping my head down, but surely you shouldnt feel like you want to cry at work?

Any chance you can reach out to staff and create some office cheer? It might help you create a little bubble of sanity to get you through.

@Happyinarcon Believe me I've tried! I think the final straw is that I had a lovely lady working with me who has just left because she couldnt stand it anymore!

Brewing a coffee and bringing half a packet of Bourbons for the chat. I’m not NHS, elsewhere in public service and I feel you. Things are somewhat better for me than they were a couple of years ago (new manager who KICKS ASS doesn’t get very far with it mind, but he’s got our backs and that has perked us up no end).

Before he came along I changed my mindset to work considerably. It’s not a career any more, I’ve stopped striving, it’s just work. I do what I need to do to make peace with myself that I am doing as much of the work as I’m able to do every day but not more. My standard varies between ‘acceptable’ and ‘good’, ‘excellence’ is not on my chart.

I have fully internalised that I’m really good at my job, I am experienced and very well qualified. I turn down advance into leadership training bollocks they offer and do only the training that’s compulsory or interesting (rare).

I do an exercise before I start work or go into a meeting to make sure I present that physically, I don’t need to tell people, they can SEE it.

I’ve changed my focus to things outside of work to give me self value, intellectual curiosity, learning new skills. I look forward to slapping the laptop shut at tea time and moving on to things that give me so much more satisfaction and are funded by the hours at work.

Oh. Another thing about attitude. When I have to another pointless task or meeting where some exec know-nothing drones on I make sure I laugh and think ‘you idiots, that afternoon just paid for my train ticket on Saturday and got you nothing. Suckers’ It re-frames the power dynamic for me and makes me feel better

@MurdoMunro I think you have summed it up perfectly. I am bloody good at what I do. I would just like people to be "nice"!

I expect your colleagues are expressing their own trauma in response to the toxic environment - some people get irritable or gobby, some go in on themselves and are quiet. Some people are just arseholes of course, but let’s be nice (and professional) for a moment and assume it’s the former with your lot.

I think we can only be responsible for ourselves and we can’t either be accountable for or try to fix (control?) how others express anxiety or depressIon. We can only control how we respond to it and find strategies to put up a protective bubble so that we don’t catch their symptoms to add to our own.

@MurdoMunro I think I have been waiting for someone to come in with a magic wand and say "hey this isn't right!!!". I need to resign myself to the fact that it isn't going to happen. A few people have tried but surprise surprise they are long gone! I think I am one of those who have gone into myself now. I don't want to but I suppose you have to protect your mental health. I am very old school and think loyalty means a lot but it doesn't anymore. Thank you for your wise words.

I didn’t respond to your actual question! Should you stick it out for 3 years?

if you can re-centre the power to you and find strategies so the shit slides off you then I’d say stick it out.

Do your work to an acceptable standard, know that you’re getting into that golden zone when it would take longer to sack you than it would for you to retire so any stupid games they might choose to play ain’t nuffin to you. Breeze out at the end of every day with your head held high and not a speck of shit on you.

Any chance of being transferred within the NHS? Might be that a different department has a better in-person culture, nicer environment?

3 years is probably too short a time to completely change jobs, but too long to be miserable.

@category12 Not really because although I am NHS its not transferrable. Its actually 2 year and 11 months until I retire! Sounds better than 3 years!

Loyalty to the team, department, whatever is not respected at all. You’re right about that. But I still have loyalty to the concept of public service, I believe overall what I do is good. Chasing money never really motivated me even when I was in the private sector, it just felt so holllow.