Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Only the apps you allow.

Meet the Other Phone.
Only the apps you allow.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

Dating apps

26 replies

tellmesomethingtrue · 15/01/2025 08:10

If your DH signed up to 2 dating apps in order to have sex because your marriage was unhappy, could you ever forgive them? This happened to me. He was on Tinder and Feeld and as far as I know I met up with one person in real life. He was on the Apps for three months until I caught him. we are 'separated' but still living together sometimes I forget this ever happened.

OP posts:
K8ate · 15/01/2025 08:22

It depends on the circumstances.
If you were already separated then i don’t really understand the issue.
What led to the marriage troubles for instance?
Is it a sexless relationship? If so, why is it and who decided it?
There’s not really enough information to know .

ImmortalSnowman · 15/01/2025 08:24

You are separated he's free to see whoever he wants, you are too.

BeerAndMusic · 15/01/2025 11:28

If you are separated then thats fine - he can do what he likes.

If you are regretting the separation then you need to talk to him about working things out

Arrivederla · 15/01/2025 11:32

Sounds like you only separated after he behaved like this - is that right? It's difficult to tell from your post

Bookworm20 · 15/01/2025 11:59

Did you seperate after you found him on the apps? If you were very much together and he signed up to them, then no, I would never forgive that.

Ppzd · 15/01/2025 12:08

No, I couldn't forgive. I would never be able to trust him ever again and it would make for an absolutely miserable life.

ScoobyDoesnt · 15/01/2025 12:19

They're not really dating apps - they are both hook up apps.

Original poster
tellmesomethingtrue · 15/01/2025 17:58

Arrivederla · 15/01/2025 11:32

Sounds like you only separated after he behaved like this - is that right? It's difficult to tell from your post

Sorry yes I wasn't clear. We separated when I found out.

OP posts:
Original poster
tellmesomethingtrue · 15/01/2025 17:59

ScoobyDoesnt · 15/01/2025 12:19

They're not really dating apps - they are both hook up apps.

Even worse?

OP posts:
Arrivederla · 15/01/2025 18:00

tellmesomethingtrue · 15/01/2025 17:58

Sorry yes I wasn't clear. We separated when I found out.

Show quote history

In that case I would never trust him again

Orangesinthebag · 15/01/2025 18:02

Don't forgive him, in my experience that could well be the tip of a much larger iceberg.

Planesmistakenforstars · 15/01/2025 18:18

No I would not forgive this. I don't necessarily think that "once a cheat, always a cheat" is true in every circumstance, but it is in this one. Someone who deliberately sets out to seek sex when they're in a relationship is always a cheat, and is not someone to ever be trusted.

as far as I know I met up with one person in real life.
Maybe he did only meet up with one person, but that will only be because only one person would meet up with him. He would have met up with as many as he could if he had the chance.

You are well shot of him.

bifurCAT · 15/01/2025 18:44

Unhappy or unhappy because it wasn't sexual?

I think forgiveness and moving on all depends on the reason. If it was unhappy and he did this, then counselling should have been attempted. If it was not sexual, but otherwise happy then OK, sure it's cheating, but if you want him back, maybe there's some middle ground...

MarkingBad · 15/01/2025 18:50

He was on Tinder and Feeld and as far as I know I met up with one person in real life.

Is this a reverse or did you meet up with one person in real life?

ScoobyDoesnt · 15/01/2025 19:20

@tellmesomethingtrue dating or hook up app would be bad anyway as your DH is clearly married to you, but yes, hook up in my mind is way worse.

A friend of mine uses Feeld as she just wants fun (no DP or DH, she can do what she likes) but says it’s quite fetish-y if that’s a word and definitely a lot of married men, and lots of threesome / group related wants too.

Collette78 · 15/01/2025 19:24

No I couldn’t forgive it, I don’t like deceit in any form and lose respect for the person.

A close friend of mine did forgive her DH though and they are seemingly happy, I think it very much depends on individuals and context.

smallsilvercloud · 15/01/2025 19:28

No I wouldn't forgive, he said he was unhappy so why would it help to forgive, it doesn't change anything also he deceived you so it would be extremely hard to trust again, not worth it to go through this again.

Original poster
tellmesomethingtrue · 15/01/2025 21:34

MarkingBad · 15/01/2025 18:50

He was on Tinder and Feeld and as far as I know I met up with one person in real life.

Is this a reverse or did you meet up with one person in real life?

Sorry, I meant that HE met up with one person. Typo

OP posts:
Original poster
tellmesomethingtrue · 15/01/2025 21:36

Thank you all. I know deep down that we need to split up due to the deceit and cheating. Just so hard to move on. I wish he'd told me that he was tempted to cheat, so I knew how bad the situation was so we could attempt counselling. I had told him a year earlier that I'd wanted a divorce and he'd said no. I wasn't in a position to go ahead due to having no decent income, which had improved now.

OP posts:
Didimum · 15/01/2025 22:33

No, I couldn’t.

shuggles · 15/01/2025 23:04

Your DH should be old enough to know better. Any man who thinks sex can be found on dating apps will be sorely disappointed. Even if he swipes right on every single profile, he would only be greeted with half a dozen matches a month (at most)... and most of those users won't even reply.

Orangesinthebag · 16/01/2025 06:33

You could try marriage counselling if he is prepared. But go into it still with the view that you may well stay separated. It might help with closure & finding a way to move on because you may find you feel angry about his behaviour for a long time afterwards & have questions that need answering.

How has he behaved since? Has he made a lot of effort to apologise, to make it up to you?
I think the main problem is that you only know what he has told you and he may have been very economical with the truth. You know you can't trust him so can you trust that he only met one person? Do you know if it is something he has done before this three month stint?

Also - do you have children together or can you make a clean break?

Original poster
tellmesomethingtrue · 16/01/2025 21:28

He hasn't tried to make it up to me and maintain that I drove him to do it. He apologised after a couple of months since I found out. No grovelling whatsoever. He's been trying to pull his weight more around the house.

OP posts:
Original poster
tellmesomethingtrue · 16/01/2025 21:29

Orangesinthebag · 16/01/2025 06:33

You could try marriage counselling if he is prepared. But go into it still with the view that you may well stay separated. It might help with closure & finding a way to move on because you may find you feel angry about his behaviour for a long time afterwards & have questions that need answering.

How has he behaved since? Has he made a lot of effort to apologise, to make it up to you?
I think the main problem is that you only know what he has told you and he may have been very economical with the truth. You know you can't trust him so can you trust that he only met one person? Do you know if it is something he has done before this three month stint?

Also - do you have children together or can you make a clean break?

He told me nothing. He hasn't had to admit to anything as I found everything out myself by snooping on his phone and email.

OP posts:
ClearFruit · 16/01/2025 21:32

No.

Swipe left for the next trending thread