H demands DS has a cuddle with him

[deathbecomesherhead]

DH often will say to our 6 year old son 'give me a cuddle' it happens a lot and often and I am saying 'I don't think he wants one' then hubby gets annoyed.. my son even said to me he 'forces me to cuddle him'.. what an earth?? What shall I say?

Does he feel you have a stronger relationship with him and wants that himself? It might be a clumsy, ill-advised method but he’s probably wanting his son to treat him how he treats you if you cuddle with him. It’s normal to want affection from your kids. He may not see that by demanding it he’s pushing his son away, but if he feels on the outside or his son doesn’t love him as much, he may feel it’s the only way he gets a hug or any physical contact from him. I’m not saying it’s right, he may have caused his son to want nothing to do with him. Do you show physical affection towards your son and husband?

I'm sure some people are going to come along and say I'm thinking too deeply about this, but my ex used to be like this with our son and I had to point out what he was actually teaching him by forcing him into physical contact he doesn't want. I truly believe conversations with our kids, especially our boys, around consent need to be done from a young age to make sure they completely understand it. Your son is being taught that someone bigger and stronger than him can make him do things he doesn't want to do and one day your son will be the one who is bigger and stronger and he needs to understand that when someone says no it is respected.

My son is 7 now (I had this conversation when he was 18 months old) and loves play fighting - he'll often say "stop" but then wants to continue so in our house we use "no thank you" to signal when we actually don't want something (a cuddle, a play fight, tickling etc) and that's our cue to stop immediately.

I'm pretty sure they teach about consent etc in schools from an early age now, so maybe that could be a way of opening up the conversation with your husband? If he persists, you need to gently but firmly ask him why he would want to hug someone who doesn't want to be hugged - make him actually think about that question properly.

Your son and any person is allowed their bodily autonomy. This means that if someone wants a hug or a cuddle with your son, then it is up to your son to either agree to that or say "no thanks" and have that respected.
Currently your DH doesn't respect that "no thanks Dad" response.

Put it to your DH this way - if he had a daughter and someone was as insistent on having a cuddle/hug/kiss with her the way he is with his son and she said "No" would he expect that to be respected and the person to walk away?

Thank you