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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Would you rekindle with your father?

2 replies

kdmummyx · 15/01/2025 07:15

Hi everyone - I’d like to know what YOU would do in this situation please.

so a back story - I’m 27 and my father has been pretty much absent my whole life, left when I was 2 and saw him now and again up until I was maybe 10 (I say now and again because he would leave for years and then come back for a year then leave again I don’t know where he went either) anyway - he lived fairly local to me, got married, had two kids (my half sisters) and I saw them a few times when they were little. He then moved 350 miles away and I didn’t see him again, we spoke on the phone maybe ever few months. Back to now, myself and my partner have moved closer to where he now lives (not intentional) I now have 2 children and he’s only met my eldest when he was a baby, I decided to ‘give up’ on maintaining contact with him because it was causing stress and I just didn’t see him as a ‘father’ and more of a stranger, I also didn’t want my son to get attached to him for him to leave him like he did me.

my father is a really good dad to my sisters, his wife sadly died a few years ago and even though he’s been anything but a dad to me, he’s a really good dad to them (they are teenagers now and I have them on social media and speak to them regularly) I know he’s not a bad person, and when I was younger he obviously had things going on, which I understand more now as an adult. I’m now pregnant with my third child and I’m just wondering if you’d bother reaching out to him? Not to start a father and daughter relationship but maybe to just get to know eachother? I have thoughts of thinking no he’s got his life and I’ve got mine, if he wanted too he would. Then I have thoughts that life’s too short and I don’t want to have any regrets when I’m older? I’d love to know what you’d do in this situation. Would you bother or not?

thank you in advance for reading this far !!

OP posts:
iamnotalemon · 15/01/2025 11:27

I don't know if I could have a relationship with him myself. You don't have to just because you share genes. But obviously up to you if you wanted to.

Sorry, not much help.

Tel12 · 15/01/2025 11:32

You're obviously thinking about it, so on balance yes, perhaps give it a go. As an adult you can set your boundaries. Apparently people tend to regret the things they didn't do as opposed to the things they did. I hope you have nothing to lose and the prospect of something to gain.

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