Borderline boyfriends ignored me

[Ami1986]

For 2 days. He won't reply or pick up the phone. He's been behaving so terribly for 3 months. Not taking his meds safely. Missing appointments. Ignoring the fact he has court in 2 weeks to be evicted. He's just making me depressed with his lifestyle and then he wants my help and support and I'm finding it harder and harder. So many suicidal comments. Won't ever go into hospital. He has terrible people around him. But I was unhappy with him last time we spoke. He claimed I was awful to him because I've started living my life without him. I've had to find other people to spend time with or I'd never go out. He has no interest in living. He's all talk. Lays about all day. When I'm at work he's doing god knows what in his own house. But he's not worked for 2 years now. He's just so unwell.

But the silence has made me feel physically ill because I'm worried he's taken too many tablets. But I've thought this a million times on the past and he wakes up again..

I don't know what to do.

"I don't know what to do."

Yes you do. Leave him.

A drama queen? Do ypu not understand mental health?

These threads are common on here so you are not on your own, OP.
As a caring and empathetic person, you don’t want to see another human struggle.
Your boyfriend is clearly unwell but if he refuses any help there is NOTHING you can do. If he refuses all medical help, then you can’t be the person responsible for fixing him.
You haven’t mentioned addiction but having terrible people around him suggests it.
Sadly, you could give and give to this man and it won’t help. He is very manipulative.
A relationship is about two people treating each other as equal partners, and this man brings nothing. Nothing at all. If you’ve been mentally unwell you are usually so glad of the help and support of others. Even if you can’t show it at the time, you don’t abuse them.
He is using suicide as a weapon.
You have already started building your own life. Keep doing that. I would bet my life that when this man gets evicted he will suddenly want to see you. Do not be used and do not let him stay with you.
There is a difference between someone who is mentally ill and someone who is an addict and is manipulating someone kind by using cruelty.
Not sure if he has any family but leave his ‘friends’ to support him.
The longer you spend around this, the more it will hurt you.
Keep connecting with people who care about you and live your own life.
You are not a doctor or a psychiatrist. Please don’t waste any more of your precious life dealing with this man.

This isn't a good situation for you to be in, he's your boyfriend not husband, you don't live together so don't feel that you should be responsible, if you can have a word with someone you know close to him if he lives alone and then leave him to it, he managed before you and he will after, him not communicating is a clear message that he doesn't want to.
Trying to give him chances is never going to work, it's him not you.

Why are you putting yourself through this?
Let him go.
If you don't, this is your life.
Nothing but drama.

Don’t leave him because he has mental heath problems.

Leave him because;

• He refuses to seek medical help for known problems that are negatively affecting both your lives
• He has been behaving terribly for three months
• He ignores contact from you for days on end
• He threatens suicide regularly (again doesn’t seek help for this)

Is this the partner you want to spend the rest of your life with? No of course not. End it before you get any deeper entwined.

Next time he threatens suicide call the police and request a welfare check on someone threatening suicide. If he is honest in his intentions then he needs that help from the police. If he is lying about suicide, using it as a way to manipulate you, then he will learn to stop if you call the police every time.

This relationship is making you miserable. You need to put yourself first and end it. Doesn’t sound like he loves you but you’ll need to block his calls and phone the police when he turns up at yours.

Some good advice on here OP, please listen. I've been where you are, maybe not quite as bad, and a long time ago, but close enough to know how you feel. Your boyfriend's behaviour can also be a way of controlling you, mine did the same. I was working full time while he mixed with drug users & alcoholics, and he threatened suicide to keep me onside. I even took all his meds to work with me so he couldn't overdose. An older work colleague could see what was happening; she ssid "he won't overdose; he's trying to control you". My boyfriend's mum said the same. And of course he didn't. I'm not saying your boyfriend won't, but I was in an abusive relationship and couldn't see it, thank goodness I came to my senses and left him. He's still alive & well as far as I know!! Think hard about the future YOU want, and don't be consumed by his problems. You can't save someone if they don't want to be saved. Step away and think about what you want.

You mean he has borderline personality disorder?

Leave him. Seriously.

The threats of suicide are fake. It's all manipulation. He has a personality disorder and quite literally doesn't know how to behave differently. Run a fucking mile and don't waste anymore time like I did because I'll tell you now- you're in an abusive relationship and you can't change a personality disorder.

Op, it’s not about understanding mental health. There are plenty of professionals that can help him. But you have your own issues, you can’t seem to understand that you are prioritising his welfare and your need to try to save him , over your own emotional well being and happiness and that is incredibly unhealthy and leads to toxic relationships.

He won’t change for you. He feeds off the emotional trauma he’s causing you and he wants you to be all in a flap as it gets him off when he needs a boost. EUBPD is a fucker of an illness and it will destroy him AND you if you don’t see sense and walk away. You really aren’t doing him any favours, it’s like chasing a snake and begging it to explain and justify about it why it bit you …. instead of just going to the hospital for treatment to save your own life when the bite happens.

This man doesn’t love you, he doesn’t respect you, he probably doesn’t even like you. Be honest, be brutally honest with yourself and look at his behaviour. None of it indicates that he cares about you in any way. And you are not responsible for him. Save yourself, walk away from him and his eleventy billion red flags and focus that energy on to rehabbing YOU and learning to put healthy boundaries in place. You are not a rehab centre for damaged men.

and I know all of this first hand, my daughter has EUBPD and the heart wrenching grief she’s put us through has been fucking awful.

Did you post recently under 'shall I block him'?
If not, read that one- it's very similar and you'll get similar replies.

Ami

What do you get out of this with him?. Is he all you think you deserve from a bloke?.

What you have tried to date here re him does not work. Nothing about this supposed relationship is working or will ever work because it's been abusive and dysfunctional from the beginning. It's codependency and emotionally unhealthy for you.

What did you learn about relationships when you were growing up?. You need therapy re what attracted you to him in the first place.

He's basically latched onto you leech like because you are an empathetic person but he's just flung it all back in your face. He will continue to drag you down with him into his pit if you at all remain or are in any contact with him.

Being a rescuer and or saviour in a relationship never works and here you are trying to be both. Do not continue to learn that lesson the hard way.

Women are also not rehab centres for badly raised men either.

Nailed it.

First post nailed it OP. Get this man out of your life he will only drag you down. You aren't responsible for his MH, stop trying to be a saviour. Don't let him live with you when he gets evicted because he will be expecting it and your life will be so much worse.

There is an expression I’ve seen several times on Mumsnet.

women are not unpaid therapists for inadequate men. This man may well be mentally unwell but that doesn’t change the fact that he’s a dick and treating you appallingly. Suicide threats are generally a manipulation tactic to get what they want. It’s emotional abuse pure and simple. Bin this one off, he brings nothing of value to your life. Partners (and friends) should make us feel good. Someone that makes you feel bad needs to be cast off and blocked.

Fuck him and let him make is own decisions.