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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

How to deal with losing friend

1 reply

Ronnie44 · 14/01/2025 11:06

Have been friends with Mary for 23 years. Godparents to each others children. Lots of time spent with each other, on our own and with family.
Husbands get on great too as do children.

One of Mary's siblings moved closer a few years ago and she seemed to be spending more time with them. Not a problem, we always saw each other on important dates and phoned at least once a week. Could always turn to each other for advice and support.

A few years ago I had some bad mental health problems, followed my an accident in which I was housebound.
No support from Mary at all, although I was disappointed I know people have their own lives and problems.

Mary lost a relative, I was in touch a lot offering support, invites for coffee etc. She was heartbroken and said she couldn't leave the house etc.

Gave her space but sent regular messages, said I could pop round but she didn't seem to want my company.
Found out she was going out and even went on holiday.

Mary has always said that she thinks of us as family and me the sister she never had. We did have the kind of relationship where we didn't see each other for long periods but when we did would be lovely and normal.

My DH has been diagnosed with cancer, we haven't told many people but he spoke to Mary's husband a few weeks ago and told him.

I haven't heard a thing from her. I have realised that for whatever reason she doesn't want to have a friendship. But I really thought she would be in touch after this news.

Im just so upset and it feels like I'm grieving, I don't have many friends or family and I don't know how to get over this.

Any advice please?

OP posts:
TipsyJoker · 14/01/2025 11:15

It’s hard but it is what it is. Sometimes friendships just change and it’s a part of life. It’s perfectly normal to grieve the loss of your friend. You’ve lost someone important to you, whom you loved. It hurts to discover that the relationship perhaps wasn’t as meaningful to them or that they have somehow changed and left you behind. Allow yourself to grieve and focus on supporting your husband through this cancer treatment. Perhaps you could find a local support group in your area for families of cancer patients. You won’t be the first person who feels let down that a friend didn’t step up in your hour of need. And perhaps you might make new friends there too. Give it some time and you will eventually come to terms with it. 💐

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