Is this normal?

[JOEsMUm6922]

My husband ( for 19 years) and my best friend ( for23years) have recently started messaging each other a lot...... she had a relationship which broke down and the other person was a relation of ours and she has been seeking a lot of sympathy. It was a casual relationship and the bit on the side who was a relation discovered she had another full time partner!!

Anyway she has been playing massive victim and this is how their conversations started because the person is his blood relative.
They text each other A LOT and I recently discovered ALL their messaging platforms had masses of sexual meme jokes. These are just jokes and banter apparently. Also when I could see after while how much they were messaging each other as the were alway on WhatsApp at the same time and I passed a comment I then discovered they were messaging via text instead so I didn't know.

I am being told I am over reacting and this is normal behaviour. I'm so hurt, am i wrong?

Hopefully he is just enjoying the flirting from her, but that is really not very nice to you. We all feel good if someone flirts and shows an interest, but from the sounds of this he should have been more open with you about it up front.

It is up to you to decide if he has crossed a line and down to him to respect that line. Be concerned if you see evidence of deleting messages. If he is leaving them there that would suggest he feels like he hasn't crossed the line.

Yeah, lines crossed. I'd be concerned he's comforting her with his cock.

Ask your friend why the fuck she messaging your husband?

No.
No, this is NOT normal. Nope.

The drawn out convo between them is so inappropriate - and the sexy meme's are just plain disrespectful.
And now your being told YOUR overreacting? And YOU need to get over it!?

She's your friend!

She's definitely crossed a line and so has your DH. By swapping to text from WhatsApp would suggest they both know they're doing something questionable. The innuendo as well is not acceptable.

I would ditch the pair of them. What a pair of disloyal arseholes! You’re not over-reacting at all. You’ve been betrayed by your husband AND your best friend. Let them have each other. I imagine if you had a similar thing going with your husbands best mate he would definitely have a huge problem with it. You deserve better than to be treated with this utter disrespect.

That would be a total anatema in my world

*Over-frequent messaging on several platforms
*Investment of emotional energy via KISA/Damsel connection
*Sexual innuendo and banter
*Dismissing your feelings and boundaries
*Manipulation/blame-shifting by accusing you of overreacting

@JOEsMUm6922, I would go nuclear about this double betrayal by these snakes. They have begun an emotional affair infused with sexual energy, and it sounds like things are escalating.

Your H has opened an intimate window to your (former) BF, and they are enjoying closeness, fun, physical attraction, and mutual validation. She is now his priority, and you are being greatly devalued and disrespected by them both. If they haven’t already indulged, I would predict future physical involvement and/or video cheating.

@JOEsMUm6922, you would be very foolish to tolerate this infidelity and disloyalty. Your H is acting like a single man and is attempting to dupe you by claiming his faithless behavior is normal [it’s not in a monogamous union]. If he cherished you and valued your marriage, he would have already shut this down. Instead he dismissed your discomfort and trampled your boundaries because he isn’t willing to give up their thrilling ego massages and frisson. They are disgusting traitors.

Talking to him isn’t working, so I would show him the door. Tell him that you won’t be made a fool of and that you are considering your options. He needs to experience sharp consequences and to understand how losing you feels. Don’t consider reconciling unless he accepts full responsibility, cuts off OW, and moves mountains to restore your trust. As for her, she would be summarily dumped.

Your friend quite clearly enjoys having a bit of a flirtation and sexual banter with someone who isn't her partner.

And now your relative is not longer available to her, she's set her sights on your husband instead.

He's either genuinely interested and would take it further if the chance arose or he's quite happy for it to stay as it is.

Either way...

It's not normal. She is not your friend. At the very least, you need to talk to your husband and find out what his intentions are.

No it's not normal or OK. Start sharing sex memes and endless convos with his long time bestie and see how he feels about that.