To split with my baby's dad

[tiggyc]

This may be a bit of a long one..

I have a 6 month old and am seriously considering splitting with his dad, am I being shortsighted?

We have been together 9 years, and own a house together - long story short I just don't think we get along anymore. We like different things and honestly there is no crossover, our humour is completely different and honestly we haven't had sex since I conceived our little one even though we have discussed trying to build intimacy nothing ever seems to happen, I think if I'm truthful I don't really even want to have sex with him anymore.

We are definitely like roommates, he actually doesn't sleep in our bedroom anymore either, it started due to the baby but now I don't think either of us really have a desire for him to come back into the bedroom. He comes and goes as he likes and we don't really do anything as a couple and if we ever do it usually descends into awkwardness or an argument.

We have tried having deep chats and discussing it and understand each other but it's like trying to square a circle if that makes sense? Because our personalities are just opposite.

I keep seeing couples holding hands, spending time together, travelling, laughing and even getting engaged (he says that he doesn't see the point in marriage but tbh I think really it's that he doesn't want to marry me) I want all this for myself, and feel like I deserve a loving, intimate relationship and don't want to stay in something that isn't right but then at the same time now have my baby to think about.

Thank you for reading my ramblings 🤦🏻‍♀️ any thoughts?

Finally on the intimacy side of things, he has been suggesting that we go to a swingers club for a number of years now,

Call me an old prude but that would be me running for the emergency exit

mix this with the amount of sex you’ve been having and it’s ’I don’t want fuck you, I’m happy to fuck anyone else, and happy for anyone else to fuck you’. In my book it’s not really loving LTR material.

🤮

@Bittenonce I absolutely agree with you! I definitely brushed it off for a good while and he coupled it with I want to go with you, something we do together etc etc but as time has gone on and other bits and bobs have happened (looking at other girls excessively and so obviously, paying for "a one off' OF subscription and I've definitely come round to that way of thinking that he wants to have sex with other people and couldn't give a toss if I'm doing the same which for me isn't the relationship I'm looking for!

@tiggyc for me, it isn’t even a relationship. But I’m just an old man, what do I know? 🤣

Wonderful - another child being bought into a crap relationship and probably soon to be no relationship.

I’m sure your support is appreciated

The swingers thing is a weird one in this situation I think. Nothing against swinging in general, it’s great if both parties are up for it and I have a friend who does it with her husband, both wanted to and love the lifestyle, but it’s strange that when you are both struggling with intimacy and you’ve not shown any interest in swinging that that’s his suggestion for resolving that rather than actually working on your sex life together.

Sounds like he’s checked out tbh.Sorry.

Merely stating a fact

You deserve better, although I don't think you should rush any decisions with such a young DC.
The other thing that would make me think carefully (after a lot of recent posts on MN), is the huge effect it will have on your DC's future, not just yours. There's the obvious immediate implications, but also you are prospectively making him the DC from a previous relationship, that whilst future DC may live with their DF and DM, they never will.
Their role within the family seems to be one of being an outsider, no matter how hard the DM works to make that so. Things like step relatives treating them (somewhat) understandably differently and a difference in financial future of half siblings. Some of the posts on here are heartbreaking. It always seems like the eldest DC from a previous relationship is the one who suffers.
No, you shouldn't stay in an unhappy relationship, but in the same situation I'd not have more DC or create a future blended family until he was adult. That's a very long time away.

@ItFellOffAgain Although I am well aware that posting this on the internet opens myself up to all opinions - it would be lovely if people could be kind before posting (even if yes, you are stating 'facts')

I already feel bad enough about all of this and am in full emotional turmoil about how this will affect my child and was hoping for support rather than being reminded of my shortcomings!

@GentlyAnarchistic I agree, this is a big consideration for me and one I'm not taking lightly - any decisions on this will be pushed back for at least 6 months whilst we confirm if this is the end of the road and logistics around separating

@Mrsttcno1 No I agree, I also have nothing against it and think for some people it's an ideal set up and can work really well. I'm just confused in our case how you could have a healthy sex life including swinging if you don't have one to begin with 🤔

@tiggyc I apologise. I was unnecessarily unkind.

Hi @tiggyc- how are things with you now? I could have written this post myself but possibly a few steps behind you.