I don’t feel a priority in my relationship.

[Percypigspjs]

I been having these feelings for a while now. Coming up to 5 years with one dc and no sign of marriage. He has been asked several times by people who’ve met around the same time as us and married. His response is it’s not really our thing, but he hasn’t consulted me.

He doesn’t seem that interested in how I feel about anything really and anything I voice is an inconvenience.

I read his will the other day. It’s completely his choice who he leaves what but I was a bit taken back. We have a house each. Whilst mine leaves all to him and child he has left a large amount to his mum and brother. An amount larger than his child. They are both in a much wealthier position than we are. My priority is that he will be caring for our child so that’s where it all goes.

Really it’s just leaving me with this feeling that I’m not a priority or he isn’t sure. I’m not sure where I stand really. I’ve asked him before and he tells me to not be stupid.

Have you ever spoke about marriage together? Surely that’s a chat you have pre-kids?

He will never marry you OP as there is no will on his part to do so. It is not really his thing; these types never want to share what they regard as his and his alone. He's got a child by you and I daresay this child has his surname too. Yet more power and control handed over to him all too freely by you if that is the case.

You are an option, not a priority to him. Look at his actions; both by word and deed he has and continues to sideline you.

You have a choice re this man, your child does not. He is not going to change and this is who he is. Thankfully you have a house to move back into; I would move out, rewrite your will using a Solicitor and end the relationship completely.

OP there seem to be two problems here. First it doesn't sound like you've made it clear what you want. You talk about other people bringing up marriage but not what he said when you explained that's what you wanted.

Second you say he's not interested in anything you say and he calls you stupid when you try to talk to him.

It doesn't sound like he respects you very much..

I was never a priority for my ex but for years I told myself things to make myself feel better 'oh that's just the way he is', or 'he doesn't mean anything by it'. By the truth is he does mean something by it, it is all too clear by, for example, the way he has split his will. You will spend years trying to imagine that he really likes you/respects you, when it is there plainly: he doesn't particularly like you. Honestly, I feel so much better about myself since we split and I'm like ;WHY did I put up with this??'

Are you most bothered about not being married or that you're worried about financial insecurity for your child if he died?
I only ask as we're not married but I made sure partner and I had wills where we leave to each other to ensure this situation was covered.

This is what I said to him before going to do the wills. We need to sit and make sure that they both reflect the same thing. Financial security for the one who is taking care of our child and our child. Surely that is the most important thing. I have a sibling but he has sorted his own thing and is taking care of his family. He is not my responsibility. I’m unsure of what he has done in his will and why.

My husband told me he was leaving his entire estate to his brother (including half of our home; his pension, everything), leaving my child and I with nothing. Apparently, his brother “would take care of us”.

I told him I would contest it to make sure our child got what she deserved. I work in this area of law. I wasn’t bothered about myself, but how could he do that to our daughter?

His will has since been made appropriately.

This OP is what would sadden me far more than not getting married. I’m beginning to feel more and more than men see their children differently to how mothers do - not all, but most.

Exactly, leave it in trust for our child. Instead he wants a large amount to go to his brothers children. It’s up to his brother to provide for his kids (which he has done).

If you have left your house to him then there is nothing stopping him from leaving your house to his family or new gf/wife rather than your joint child. Make sure the house goes into trust for your child only, it sounds like your DP has enough put by to take care of himself anyway.

As for your relationship it sounds like he doesn't care enough and has just gone along with an easy life. It's time for a proper talk to find out his view on marriage to you and if it won't happen or he continues to call you names to shut down the conversation then maybe it's time for you to move on as you don't feel loved and cherished.

Not only are you not a priority to him, neither is his child. He couldn't have made it any clearer.

If I were you I would change my will to leave everything to my child - and would name someone from my own side of the family as trustee if you die before the child reaches 18.

This relationship has run its course imo. You would be happier on your own not constantly hoping for some emotion from him that he isn't going to give.

Great advice form @Pallisers

You need to protect your child , change your will. He has shown you what he thinks of you both.

I don't think you'd want to marry someone who doesn't seem remotely interested in doing so?

As for the will, leaving things to ones parent is a bit unusual, in that the assumption would be they'd pass before you. Unless he's got some terminal illness he's not telling you about?

Either way his will us his own business. But I'd be changing mine to edit him out if I were you.
And strongly consider if you'd be better off single.

You've a house, you don't need to live with him or be with him if he's not making you happy.

You need to be saying all this to him. Can’t believe you didn’t discuss your wills given you have a child together

He has one foot in and one out.
When you have these conversations, do you detect a lot of resentment on his part? I can feel a whole heap of passive aggression coming through his responses. As if he is not prepared to do his best by you whenever he has an active choice to make. As if he wants to make sure you are disappointed by him. I dont mean to say you have done anything to deserve this - am sure you haven’t. But to me he is acting like a big sulking 14 year old, trying to make sure you feel like his mum and not his partner who he cares for more than anyone.

To be honest he is a bit of a mummies boy. It was me who told him he really needs to get on it and do a will because he isn’t leaving his child protected not having one. I thought we were going to do it together but he came home with his done. I had one already as I took out life insurance and had my mortgage before him but I think it needs looking at now. In my head I want to protect them both, but I’m not so sure anymore really.

If you aren’t married to him, would he inherit your house tax free? If not, better put it in child’s name for those reasons. I wonder whether you like him, under all of this?