I want to split

[Oceans2024]

I don't know if anyone can give advice, it's a hard situation, I just want to get it off my chest.
Me and partner have been together 11 years, everything happened so quick and its the only relationship I've had. I've realised for a long time this isn't love and think he's only staying because it's an easy life.
I plan to break up with him, we both have no where to go, I'm scared of the animosity as we will both have to live with each other until one moves out. I pay 100% of bills and couldn't afford to leave right now. He's unemployed right now so he can't afford to either. He doesn't have many friends or family as he's such a hard person to get along with, I doubt they would be willing to help him out. We split before covid that's why I'm worried about the situation after I tell him I'm done. I gave him the second chance because he sold me a dream. He got back into work and changed his attitude but over time he went back to his old ways of struggling to hold down a job and a struggle to be around in general with attitude etc.
I understand there's probably not much advice anyone can give, I just feel so alone

We have an 11 year old, as I said everything happened so quick, but I was the one who sorted my first home when I got pregnant. He contributes 0% doesn't sign on. I already know I've mugged myself off for years. He said he will sign on/get a job but hasn't. I'm just so tired of bringing it up with no results

Yes my home is rented

OP are you scared of his reaction? Do you think he'll be aggressive or in any way hurt you when you ask him to leave?

He's bringing absolutely NOTHING to your life and is a dreadful role model for your child. You know you can cope without him so please for your own sanity and your child's future, kick him out.

Intrigued by what he actually does whilst you're at work & paying the bills - literally nothing? Does he smoke weed by any chance?

Why are you saying you can't afford to leave when you are the one paying for everything. It will be cheaper surely for you as you won't have to cover him anymore

He knocked weed on the head a very long time ago. I know he games a lot while I'm not there. I wouldn't want to cut his contact from his child so it does make it hard for a clean cut, I dont want to be selfish. But I'm so tired of never being able to rely on him.
He wouldn't hurt me, but he is very argumentative. I know he would make me feel as if I'm the problem

Is it just your name on the tenancy agreement or both?

Both and you'd need to look at removing yours as you'd still be liable for paying the rent/bills if you do move out.

Either way I'd start looking for somewhere else to rent once youve found somewhere tell your present landlord and sort out that side of things.

You don't have to say anything to your DP yet, infact you don't need to mention it at all until you find somewhere else to live.

He promised you the earth inorder for you to stay the last time you split, it didn't happen, now its time for you to stick to your word and move on.

I'd need some sort of savings to move out, deposit and rent upfront. I live wage to wage. I've already looked a while ago at places the housing prices right now are really high.

Is the tenancy of the property in joint names or just yours? If it's just yours, then you can ask him to leave. If it's joint, not sure you can, as he's got the same amount of rights to stay there as you do. Could you find another property by yourself (and child)? You give notice on your half of the tenancy, the rest is then up to him. You hold all the cards, you're working and paying all the bills! Without you, he's stuffed! His lack of employment and housing is not your problem to solve, it's his.

Speak to your current landlord. Explain that you need to separate and would they renew the tenancy just to you. Or do they have another property that they would transfer your deposit etc to at the end of your current term. As you're the wage earner it's likely they will work with you.

Alternat8vely if you feel you need to get away for safety speak to womens aid or the council - both might be able to help you with a deposit etc.

Look at your monthly outgoings. Cut out ANYTHING relating to him. Big 'man food' extra food bills, mobile phone? His 'beer money' etc. Anything g that's just for him goes. You just don't have enough money anymore - he wants it he can earn it.

Is he on your tenancy agreement?

Is he in the tenancy agreement? If he's not then you just have to get him out the hose and continue as you are seeing as you pay for everything already you know you can afford it. And you will be better off not supporting him

Isn't he ashamed he isn't earning money? He had a job before so why can't he get another one. If he's at home all day I hope he's doing most of the housework, laundry, food shopping and cooking.

I think the most sensible thing would be telling him he's got a month to find a job and start contributing financially and to family life generally, or he needs to move out. And bloody stick to it!!!! In the meantime, I'd be cutting back on any household expenses that solely benefit him & use that money to save up for you & your child. You need to make life a bit less comfortable for him - mobile phone, gaming passes, money for snacks, booze, fags (or whatever it is he spends money on), access to a car, petrol etc - they are on him to pay for. If he wants his washing doing or meals cooked, then he can do it whilst you're hard at work. He's not going to just pack a bag and leave willingly as he's on to such a good thing so this might at least start to show him things won't be continuing like this.

Oh, and asking him to move out isn't stopping contact with his child. That would be down to him - he's need to to find himself a job so he has suitable accommodation and make the effort to see his child. From what you've said, he's unlikely to make the afford which may well mean he doesn't see his child as much - that's on him not you and frankly, he's a shit role model for your child so might not be such a bad thing right now

Talk to your landlord and explain the situation. If the rental is in your name only, ask the landlord to change the locks and put his belongings on the front porch. Obviously you can afford the place you live since you are paying the bills already.

so if you live wage to wage
how are you going to save?
there is only one option
to move out op
you will benefit entitled to benefits as presumably low income, no assets and your son will life with you?