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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

Domestic Abuse

7 replies

AquaFox · 12/01/2025 19:28

I've been in a relationship for the last 10 years and have 2 beautiful children.

However, recently I've noticed my partner is becoming more abusive and controlling. He's been abusive for many years but has never laid a hand on me until a year ago. I reported it to the police etc but ended up coming back due to not being believed as he comes across so charming that he's even managed to make me question myself.

I need to end this relationship for the sake of my children, they deserve better and so do I. But, the fear of leaving terrifies me. I know him so well that I know he will never let me go, he will turn the children against me and even try to get me to lose custody. He's already told me that they would be better in foster care than in my custody.
He will never leave the home we share and I have nowhere to go, I don't currently work as I have a 4 month old so have no means of saving to be able to safely leave, although i am slowly saving what i can so that i do leave. I've worked with a DV charity and Social services and due to Social not believing my story I'm scared to tell them it's still happening and I need to leave for the safety of all of us.
I am so scared of losing my children that I don't know what to do anymore.
Leaving an abusive partner is the most dangerous time for women and this terrifies me more than staying.

OP posts:
runrugrun · 12/01/2025 21:17

Hi, I didn't want to read and run. The thing about fears is that a lot of them can be unfounded. It's good to have fear, it's our gift and help us stay switched on and alert to danger. But not everything we fear will happen. You sound like you have your head switched on. You're stronger than you think. There's a lot of good advice on other threads. Take care and keep focussed on doing that you need to do for im you and your kids. All the best.

Burntt · 13/01/2025 08:59

Can you set your phone recording on voice memo. Get a nanny cam (they come in teddy bears and things). Start to gather evidence so when you do leave you will be believed

Jax1980 · 30/03/2025 21:46

AquaFox · 12/01/2025 19:28

I've been in a relationship for the last 10 years and have 2 beautiful children.

However, recently I've noticed my partner is becoming more abusive and controlling. He's been abusive for many years but has never laid a hand on me until a year ago. I reported it to the police etc but ended up coming back due to not being believed as he comes across so charming that he's even managed to make me question myself.

I need to end this relationship for the sake of my children, they deserve better and so do I. But, the fear of leaving terrifies me. I know him so well that I know he will never let me go, he will turn the children against me and even try to get me to lose custody. He's already told me that they would be better in foster care than in my custody.
He will never leave the home we share and I have nowhere to go, I don't currently work as I have a 4 month old so have no means of saving to be able to safely leave, although i am slowly saving what i can so that i do leave. I've worked with a DV charity and Social services and due to Social not believing my story I'm scared to tell them it's still happening and I need to leave for the safety of all of us.
I am so scared of losing my children that I don't know what to do anymore.
Leaving an abusive partner is the most dangerous time for women and this terrifies me more than staying.

Poor you. I know how you are feeling. I'm in an abusive relationship with an alcoholic and he won't ever leave. I want him dead. I've had enough but if I react and do something stupid I'll be the one going to prison and losing my daughter. I just feel trapped.

Original poster
AquaFox · 30/03/2025 21:52

Jax1980 · 30/03/2025 21:46

Poor you. I know how you are feeling. I'm in an abusive relationship with an alcoholic and he won't ever leave. I want him dead. I've had enough but if I react and do something stupid I'll be the one going to prison and losing my daughter. I just feel trapped.

Show quote history

Awww bless you, it's literally the same here. He keeps saying he will leave and it's like a weight has lifted but then by the time he sobers up he's still here and not going anywhere. It's like living with jekyll and Hyde sometimes.

OP posts:
Wakemeupbe4yougogo · 30/03/2025 21:58

The power isn't all his. He's just gaslit you over the years to make you think that way. Are you talking to Women's Aid?

Jax1980 · 30/03/2025 22:17

Are you me?! Exactly the same. It's like living with two different people. I've ignored it now and happy in the fact it's passed out asleep.

Jax1980 · 31/03/2025 07:44

Wakemeupbe4yougogo · 30/03/2025 21:58

The power isn't all his. He's just gaslit you over the years to make you think that way. Are you talking to Women's Aid?

Edited

No I'm not and the police never do anything they just say he needs to take a long look in the mirror 🙄

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