For ages me and dp have had on/off issues in our sex life, where one of us will go off it for a while. We've had counselling and many discussions about this. We've read books, listened to podcasts, done homework set via counsellor, however this time round dp seems to have not simply gone off sex alone but also me. It feels different and much more personal. He rejects me quite abruptly, like he is disgusted by my touch. He doesn't lift an eye if I'm naked anymore. He really couldn't care less about my body. He doesn't get turned on by me. I could try and do anything to him and he will lay there unresponsive.
Things came to head when we had a chat (for the hundredth time) about this. I hate bringing it up as I feel like a pest and pathetic, like I'm begging. What started off as the generic excuses of "oh I'm just tired, I'm stressed, family life is making me feel like this" has now turned into maybe it's his previous usage of porn. He swears he doesn't use it anymore, whether I believe that is another thing. He claims it's "not me it's a him thing" and that the idea of sex doesn't excite him anymore. But how can that just be a him thing when he is having sex with ME and I feel like if I was anyone else this would be a non issue.
I feel like he isn't giving me the full picture, although he says he isn't asexual or gay, something still doesn't add up to me and my gut is telling me it's off. He has kept something massive from me before so I know he is capable of doing this. The problem is I'm heavily pregnant. Our baby is due in less than a month and this is breaking my heart. I can't see myself proceeding in a relationship like this as it's eating away at my self worth, sexuality, and confidence. I am already struggling to feel desirable being pregnant and now becoming a mum again, despite being my 20's I feel used up and completely unattractive.
I can't help but dp is saying these things because he doesn't want us to split, especially with a baby on the way. But I feel like he isn't being honest or genuine and I don't think any amount of prying, pleading or talks is going to get him to be. Maybe he is telling the truth, but regardless I don't want a relationship for the rest of my life where I'm constantly having to do a rain check on my partner to actually want me.
We've gone through so many hardships and for this to be the end of us feels so ridiculous and makes me angry. But I don't know what to do anymore. If I'm to leave I want to do it before the baby comes otherwise I know I will just be trapped in the situation out of convenience and then with a newborn sex will be off the radar for ages anyways so it will distract from the actual issue.