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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

What's the bigger risk?

1 reply

naemates · 12/01/2025 12:43

TW I will talk about violence to partners/kids

I'm in the situation where I'm pretty much done with my marriage, but with a toddler, I feel I'm better off with him than without him for day to day living. However, DH has anxiety/depression (medicated both with prescription and weed (of course)) and has a temper. I wouldn't say I'm scared of him, but I do read the horror stories in the news and I wouldn't put it past him.

We just had an argument, he was a bit thoughtless, I pointed it out and screaming match followed. I could have/should have let it go but it's difficult in the moment. He's gone off to smoke and will 99% be fine when he gets back.

But I think about that 1% chance, he could so easily grab a knife or something, and think I should get out. But then I think of him with the toddler alone, and of the headlines where the dad kills them all to punish the mum for leaving. How do you even balance up the odds to make a choice here? I know I'm thinking worst case scenarios, but it happens and it happens pretty regularly. He's not physically abusive, he's never hit me or DS, or anyone actually, that's not his thing. But I could definitely see him snapping one day.

I don't know what I'm asking, I just feel stuck.

OP posts:
StopStartStop · 12/01/2025 16:50

think I should get out
I agree.
Talk to your doctor, hv etc and ask if you can protect the child from being alone with a potentially violent father.

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