Struggling with separation

[ThatCoralBiscuit]

I am really struggling with my husband of 23 years, we have two properties but he wants to sleep on the sofa as we have care needs of our disabled daughter. I understand this but every time he sleeps on the sofa, it breaks me as I feel so rejected.
I have a job and three children ( 17, 18 and 19) but I just want things to be the way they are used to be, making a cup of tea together, doing our allotment, looking at the future.
i don’t know why he hates me so much as he refuses to call, answer text messages and he is so stressed about work, I am having counselling but he refuses it. I have gone to a walk in centre with tonsillitis and low blood pressure and he has not bothered to check in. When I phoned him to tell him, he said there is nothing that I can do with that and put the phone down on me. I feel so lonely and I feel like I am having a breakdown with the grief,

It looks like he has checked out of the relationship and doesn't care about you. You can't make him care or be kind and protective. What you can do is have an honest conversation about state of your marriage and if he wants to be set free you will set him free, not that you have a choice anyway. Then speak to a divorce lawyer

what does two properties have to do with anything? He doesn’t want to move in to one? you don’t?

Presumably its to indicate he could move out and stay in the other property and be properly separated (which it sounds like it was his decision to separate and not what OP wanted) but is refusing and staying in the main home where OP can't not see him.

yes
but throwing in that he sleeps on the sofa because one of the dc has care needs is confusing

Do you think he might be depressed?
Start taking care of yourself, find real life people to help you.
Make it clear you want to stay married, that you don’t want to argue and that you love him.
It could also be a midlife crisis.
Write down some boundaries and take it one day at a time.
If he doesn’t want to be with you then he can move out. Maybe he would benefit from some space and also to start missing his daily comforts.
Im sorry. I know how hard this is. In the end my husband came home. I stood firm, tried to establish boundaries, cried a lot, lot him I wanted to be marriage and urged him to seek help. It took over a year but now he is home, in therapy and we are happy.
Some men go a bit crazy when their children are starting to leave home.

I think he’s checked out and has another woman on the go. His actions have very clearly without a shadow of a doubt told you he no longer loves or cares about you, even if there isn’t another woman but the sleeping away from you is put money there is

Sorry I'm a bit confused - are you officially separated? That's not clear to me.

Sorry you are feeling this way, it does sound rough, particularly if you are to all intents and purposes still together.