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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

God, (Mumsnet) help me!

10 replies

edierichards19 · 11/01/2025 14:53

I know that this sounds ridiculous, and trust me I'm well aware but I am seriously in a situation.

I was with my ex-boyfriend for 6 years, and it was a very loving and happy relationship until the final 3 months where we just grew apart and work took over our relationship. We broke up 18 months ago, though both remained in civil contact as we have the same group of friends. We've seen each other a number of times and it has never once been awkward, great. I found out 6 months ago that he was actively seeing other people, and I took this as a sign that I should try moving on too.

In November, I started seeing someone who is most likely the nicest boy on the planet and he can't do enough for me. By this point, I haven't seen my ex in over a few months and I was ready to accept that it was well and truly over, and that any hope I had of us getting back together was well and truly gone. Until, a few weeks ago when my ex calls me and asks to arrange a coffee date somewhere. I agreed, thinking it would be with a couple of other friends. I arrived and it was just him there wanting to meet to discuss rekindling our relationship and getting back together. He explained his reasoning and his main point was that he had heard that I was seeing another person and it made him further realise that he still wanted us to be together, and he proposed a plan as to how we could work on things and manage our busy working lives as well as a relationship.

I said that I wasn't sure and that I needed to really think this over. My girl friends really like this new boy that I'm seeing and think that it would be a bad idea to get back with an ex. However, I have to admit that things just don't feel the same with the new boy as they ever did with my ex. I also feel like the new boy is very much a lot more into me than I am into him right now (he says 'I love you' a lot and is constantly wanting to be around me, and I need alone time!) perhaps I just need to give it time with the new boy?

Please help - I desperately need it!

OP posts:
RupertCampbellBlacksEgo · 11/01/2025 14:56

How about no boys at all, and enjoy being single?
Getting back with an ex is humiliating, and the same as taking trash out of the bin and back into the house.

Only date men if they massively enhance your life and bring peace and fun.

username299 · 11/01/2025 14:58

I would finish with both of them and take some time for yourself as you obviously don't know what you want.

It's very easy to drift into relationships without taking time to work on yourself and learn about yourself.

Your ex wants to get back together with you because he doesn't want you to be with someone else. He doesn't care.

DinaofCloud9 · 11/01/2025 15:01

Your ex only wants you back because you're with someone else. It will be great for his ego to steal you away.

Justkeepingplatesspinning · 11/01/2025 15:02

Your ex only wants you back as he doesn't want to see you moving on. Presumably he hasn't done so. He'll dump you again in no time.
As RCB'sEgo has said, you need to learn to be happy being by yourself before you go jumping into another relationship. I think your feelings about the man you've been seeing being more into you, than you are to him, say a lot. Listen to your inner voice and stop seeing the new man, but don't go back to the ex either.

BigHairyClout · 11/01/2025 15:05

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This has been deleted by MNHQ for breaking our Talk Guidelines.

frozendaisy · 11/01/2025 15:10

Tell ex thanks but no thanks he comes crawling out the woodwork only when he finds out you are with someone else. I mean really. Coming up with a fucking plan. No no no no.

Enjoy being adored by new boy.

Hoppinggreen · 11/01/2025 15:13

Boy/Girl?
I am assuming you are Men/Women?
If so then you are too old for this nonsense and try being single for a bit

AwaitingFreedom · 11/01/2025 15:13

So your ex only want you back AFTER 18 MONTHS because he's heard you are dating again? And you think it's because he still lurves you? Don't be stupid. Walk away from him.

No idea about second man, but if you are finding yourself overwhelmed with him then walk away from him too. Do you think he might be love bombing you?

You also need to work on your self esteem and boundaries. They are sorely lacking.

NotaCoolMum · 11/01/2025 15:17

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This has been deleted by MNHQ for breaking our Talk Guidelines.

Don’t be such a jerk.

DeepRoseFish · 11/01/2025 15:26

I’m afraid it’s a case of I don’t want you but I don’t want anyone else to have you either.

Do not go back! You’ll end up in the same position again if you do.

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