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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Struggling to cope with Divorce

8 replies

SallT1 · 11/01/2025 11:57

My husband and I have been separated for some time now. He left me and our child, and recently, he filed for divorce. I loved him deeply; he was my first everything. Despite the challenges in our relationship, I truly believed we’d grow old together and share life’s successes. I can honestly say I was a devoted and loving wife.
One of the main issues in our marriage was that I wasn’t working at the time, as I was raising our child. This created tension, and he began to see me as inferior since he was the one providing financially. I also didn’t have a driving license, which further strained things. However, since our separation, I’ve worked hard to rebuild my life. I now have a good job, handle all financial responsibilities, drive, and have achieved a lot.
Despite all this progress, I’m still devastated by the rejection. Even after all this time, I haven’t been able to fully process the separation. I had always hoped for reconciliation and still feel a strong emotional attachment to him. It deeply hurts knowing our child won’t grow up in a traditional family. He now lives far away, and as a result, our child rarely sees him. I also feel guilty, questioning my decision to have a child with someone who ultimately wasn’t the right partner.
We’ve spoken yesterday, and although his last relationship ended months ago and he is single, he’s made it clear that and firm about wanting a divorce. This has left me questioning my self-worth. I know I have so many good qualities, but I still feel unwanted and rejected.
I haven’t tried dating because it doesn’t feel fair to anyone else while I’m still consumed by this pain. I feel suffocated by the heartache and brokenness. Any advice on how to move forward and heal would be greatly appreciated.

OP posts:
BettyfromBooth · 11/01/2025 12:11

You stayed in a relationship where you felt inferior because you prioritised your child over employment. Your husband now lives far away so rarely sees his child. You have a job, have learned to drive, and handle financial responsibilities.
Conclusion - you are selfless, reliable, capable, and an achiever.
Stop berating yourself, be thankful to cut ties with a negative and destructive husband. Be content in your worth and continue to build your life. Plenty on this site have found a good man the second time round.

DustyLee123 · 11/01/2025 12:13

If he truly loved you, the not working or driving wouldn’t have been an issue.
As a child of divorce myself, I’d say to stop thinking about traditional families and how you thought your life would be, this is your child’s life and they know no different, so it’s ok.
Stop romanticising the future that might have been, and look forward to the life you will have.

SallT1 · 11/01/2025 12:27

BettyfromBooth · 11/01/2025 12:11

You stayed in a relationship where you felt inferior because you prioritised your child over employment. Your husband now lives far away so rarely sees his child. You have a job, have learned to drive, and handle financial responsibilities.
Conclusion - you are selfless, reliable, capable, and an achiever.
Stop berating yourself, be thankful to cut ties with a negative and destructive husband. Be content in your worth and continue to build your life. Plenty on this site have found a good man the second time round.

Thank you for your kind words💐. I’ll try to focus on my strengths and continue building a better life.
It’s reassuring to hear others have found happiness after similar experiences.
Hopefully my time will come too.

OP posts:
SallT1 · 11/01/2025 12:29

DustyLee123 · 11/01/2025 12:13

If he truly loved you, the not working or driving wouldn’t have been an issue.
As a child of divorce myself, I’d say to stop thinking about traditional families and how you thought your life would be, this is your child’s life and they know no different, so it’s ok.
Stop romanticising the future that might have been, and look forward to the life you will have.

I agree with you, and deep down, I know it's true. It’s just hard to stop being consumed by the idea of what could have been. It feels like I’m stuck in this delusion, but I’m trying to focus on moving forward for the sake of my child and myself.
Thank you💐

OP posts:
LadyGaGasPokerFace · 11/01/2025 12:31

You’ve achieved so much without his negativity around you. Just think about that.

SallT1 · 11/01/2025 13:28

LadyGaGasPokerFace · 11/01/2025 12:31

You’ve achieved so much without his negativity around you. Just think about that.

Thank you, that’s a good point. It’s hard to see sometimes, but I have made lots of progress in very short years. I’ll try to focus on that and keep moving forward.

OP posts:
Pumpkinpie1 · 11/01/2025 13:35

You loved the idea of him , not the actual man. Hes not a nice guy , he was emotionally abusive and let’s face it hasn’t made a lot of effort to be a Father .

Get some therapy and start doing things that make you happy, work on building your self esteem and confidence. Do the paperwork and get this awful man out of your life.
He’s still bringing you down.
You are achieving so much , be proud of yourself x x and keep pushing for a better future x

SallT1 · 13/01/2025 11:40

Pumpkinpie1 · 11/01/2025 13:35

You loved the idea of him , not the actual man. Hes not a nice guy , he was emotionally abusive and let’s face it hasn’t made a lot of effort to be a Father .

Get some therapy and start doing things that make you happy, work on building your self esteem and confidence. Do the paperwork and get this awful man out of your life.
He’s still bringing you down.
You are achieving so much , be proud of yourself x x and keep pushing for a better future x

Thank you so much for your kind words and encouragement. You're absolutely right. I've come a long way, and I need to remind myself of that. It's been tough, but I need to keep pushing forward and create a better future for myself and DC.

OP posts:
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