Sorry for sparse details, I didn't want to go overboard on a public forum.
Background - with boyfriend for a little under two years, he's separated from ex(wife) for almost two and a half years. Knew him before he left, no crossover, but in hindsight likely too quick - maybe six/seven months between. There are three children 3, 6 and 9. There has been no engagement from ex with solicitors letters, discussion about house, finances, child schedule so all still as unresolved as Day 1. We've both met each others friends and family, but I've never met his children and they don't know about me. He wants to wait until divorce is final. Ex suspects I exist and has asked directly but he has never confirmed because he said it's not her business.
I've been patient over the last two years, and I'm trying to continue to be, but I'm feeling so frustrated that our relationship isn't progressing.
He spends the majority of time at my property, but doesn't contribute to any costs which bothers me but I haven't mentioned it. He now has his own rented accommodation, and continues to contribute half to the fmh and bills there as she would not discuss the fmh and future, so he's now very stretched financially. We live week to week with up in the air child arrangements, which are consistent each week but not suitable for a good relationship with their dad and he is the one who facilitates it all. At the beginning I think there was a lot of bad-mouthing and spitefulness from ex's side to the kids about their dad, and weeks would go by where he wasn't allowed to see them. This has caused a lot of problems with contact now. My boyfriend has tried to rebuild this bond and things are getting better, but in not forcing time with him, he has now made contact optional and the kids' choice. Sometimes they will not come 'just because' or 'don't feel like it' then be completely fine or willing the next time.
We've had discussion about the future, I am ready to think about buying property together but obviously can't until his circumstances change, and I've met kids and built a relationship with them. We've had disagreements on the future about more children and marriage. He is quite against it, although I think that is normal given what he is going through currently. When I try to raise that I think X, Y, Z is problematic and could he try A, B, C instead, he gets overwhelmed and tells me that kids and financials have nothing to do with me and that he will sort it out himself. I agree with this to some extent, but he also pursued me hugely and the outcome of his divorce affects me and our relationship.
I feel like I don't know a huge part of him in that he is a father, and I feel that he isn't considering my feelings or opinions, even though I've tried to explain that it affects my life too now.
It's becoming a huge elephant in the room in our relationship and I don't know what to do. I love him, so find the idea of leaving him heartbreaking, but I'm starting to get so frustrated and feel so stuck. I know that he loves me and our relationship is great outside of these issues. Do I remain patient and see how it goes or should I leave him to it?