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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

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Can’t seem to escape the abuse

6 replies

Mybadcat · 11/01/2025 00:04

the father of my child constantly verbally abuses me I can’t seem to cut him off. He works away Monday to Friday and then comes back at the weekends and I have to hide away all weekend. It’s been like this for 13 years. I’m terrified of my son growing up in a broken home so hide it. I feel weak and pathetic. I need him off the mortgage and bills but am so scared he’ll blow up in front of our child and I’ll have to call the police again.
he called me a fat useless mother today and said I should die.

OP posts:
TellYourSugargliderISaidHi · 11/01/2025 00:05

I’m so sorry OP, you really need to get out of this relationship. Have you contacted Women’s Aid? They are really good with advice in these situations. I’m so sorry you’re going through this.

TellYourSugargliderISaidHi · 11/01/2025 00:07

Oh, also, you might do better putting this thread in the Relationships section. Would you like me to report it to Mumsnet so they could move it for you? You’ll get some really good supportive advice there, you’re not on your own, so many women go through this and you can get out of the situation and go onto a good life, I promise.

Mybadcat · 11/01/2025 00:07

Thank you yes xx

OP posts:
TellYourSugargliderISaidHi · 11/01/2025 00:19

Mybadcat · 11/01/2025 00:07

Thank you yes xx

I’ll do it now!

raggedbottomjeans · 11/01/2025 00:22

You can't get someone "off the mortgage".

You have to purchase their share of the property, paying for it using your own mortgage (so a new sole one, not the current joint one). You can't do this without his knowledge and consent.

Other options are 1) he purchases your share of the property and you move out, getting a mortgage to purchase somewhere else or renting. 2) The property is sold to a third party and you both move out to live elsewhere, separately.

You can't get away from the abuse whilst you are still in a relationship with this man, you have to split up.

Your home is already "broken" because one parent is abusing the other.

Your DC already doesn't see their father majority of the time. So only seeing him EOW if you split won't change much in a practical sense for DC.

What will change is DC not having to witness what's going on. Of course they'll notice your change in behaviour whenever your partner is around, they'll hear his comments, see both of your demeanors - him domineering and you diminishing yourself to attempt to appease him. You can't effectively hide it.

ImaniMumsnet · 11/01/2025 09:49

Hi OP,

We have moved this for you now!

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