Bf is seeing his ex...

Kaybayx · 2025-01-10T19:56:22+00:00

Hey ladies so basically I've got abit of a problem. My boyfriend (who has 2 kids with his ex) has started going round to her house til late at night and lying about it to me. He says he's 'at pool' or in 'his house' but can't talk as he's doing stuff. I know he's been at his ex's as I know someone who lives by there and has told me he's seen him late at night there and the nights line up with when he doesn't speak to me. (He normally speaks to me all the time when we're not together) this hurts me alot but hurts me even more now that I'm pregnant with his child and he hasn't told his ex that I'm pregnant. It seems to be ever since we've found out we're expecting which is kinda weird ? I haven't confronted him about it, I don't know what to say or do right now my minds going in overdrive. Does he want her back? What are them 2 doing when the kids go to bed?

ConsuelaHammock · 10/01/2025 20:02

It’s quite simple ! He doesn’t love you and doesn’t want to be with you. I’m assuming the pregnancy was unexpected. Don’t wait around for a man who doesn’t care about you. How long have you been together? If it’s less than 2 years then you’re mad to have a baby with him!

ConsuelaHammock · 10/01/2025 20:03

They’re probably having sex when the children are in bed. If not sex then they are enjoying spending time together.

TwistedWonder · 10/01/2025 20:04

Was he actually separated from his ex when you met him?

YourCrispyBalonz · 10/01/2025 20:05

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MrsTerryPratchett · 10/01/2025 20:07

Did you both plan to get pregnant? Because some men do think of some women as Mrs. Right Now, not Mrs. Right. And getting pregnant with one of these men normally means you're the next single mum he leaves in his wake.

Nodlikeyouwerelistening · 10/01/2025 20:11

Yeah I’m sorry to say it doesn’t look good. I think your pregnancy has probably got him reminiscing about the good old days with her when they were having their kids, and maybe feeling guilty about how having another one will affect the other two.
You being pregnant maybe makes it really feel like there’s no going back, and has deep down wanted to be able to go back.
I think the best you can do is find a way to co-parent well together. Maybe take some time away from him. Let him figure his crap out and you just focus on getting yourself ready for life as a single mum.

Pinkbonbon · 10/01/2025 20:11

OK , two separate issues -

He has kids with her so why can't he be at her house? What did you expect? Also, some people are friends with their long term exs. Especially if kids are involved. But before having kids with him, you should have vetted things. Met her and seen how they interact. Discussed ground rules. Why wasn't this done?

But

He's lied to you about it. That's a problem. It either means he felt you'd kick off about it OR, he's still shagging her.

Realistically, you've sorta set yourself up for this. His ex presumably made the mistake of having kids with him before marriage. And now, so have you. Not only that, he isn't even living with you yet? Why bring a baby into this? It's ridiculous.

All you can do now is damage control. Sit down with him and set the ground rules together. Prepare to be a single parent if he can't stick to them.

Foxlovesfruit · 10/01/2025 23:13

I agree that if you have children with a now ex partner, there has to be communication between the parents, in person and by phone, and new partners need to accept that. BUT, if he needs to be at his exs house at night then he should have the courtesy to tell his partner, surely?! Its not controlling, it's showing respect. Its not like it is a new relationship.....they're expecting a child together and it a simple text to say he's going to his exs house for xyz. As other posters have said, he is possibly shagging his ex, as the circumstances suggest, which is why he doesn't have the common decency to tell his partner he is there!

Copperoliverbear · 10/01/2025 23:21

Dump him.

Lovelybitofsquirrel3 · 10/01/2025 23:21

Is there any chance he could be helping her with the children or helping to clean her house

MsDogLady · 11/01/2025 06:10

@Kaybayx, this guy is a lying, sleazy cheat and your September, November and December threads tell all about it.

He has been on 4 dating sites. You caught him/forgave him, but he has continued…
He has been chatting with multiple women — sending photos, paying for their nude photos/videos, asking to meet at a hotel. You threatened to leave him, but he has continued…
He has recently started staying at his Ex’s until late and lying about it.
He also visits her 1:1 when the children are not there.
He admitted to flirting with her when they message. Every time you are together he spends time messaging her, and they have even texted/voice noted at 2 a.m. (which was not about the children). He turned down the volume so you couldn’t hear.
He has not informed her about you and your pregnancy.

@Kaybayx, it is disturbing that you are staying with this faithless pig … that you are settling for his disgusting crumbs and degradation. He lies and is unfaithful. He has zero respect for you, treats you like shit on his shoe, and is a horrible role model for this child and your older child.

Life with this Player will be a train wreck. I and many others have already told you this. Don’t you want better for yourself and your children? Kick him to the curb and make a nice life with your little ones.

NotOneOfTheInCrowd · 11/01/2025 06:20

Did you get pregnant because you thought it would make him want to be with you?
personally I would terminate the pregnancy.
Then dump him and get some self respect.

user1492757084 · 11/01/2025 06:26

Ther is no nice way forward with this man, I'm sorry.
He will never change.
How pregnant are you? What are your options?
I would choose an option that has me NEVER having to contact this man again.

ScabbyHorse · 11/01/2025 06:39

I'm sorry to hear that it sounds very difficult. I don't think he will be a good partner or dad. It would be better to be alone and get some therapy than bother with him

MsDogLady · 11/01/2025 06:52

I also meant to add: Your unborn baby’s health (and yours) is at risk from your BF’s promiscuous behavior. Certain STDs can do untold damage to a developing child in utero.

TwistedWonder · 11/01/2025 08:45

MsDogLady · 11/01/2025 06:10

@Kaybayx, this guy is a lying, sleazy cheat and your September, November and December threads tell all about it.

He has been on 4 dating sites. You caught him/forgave him, but he has continued…
He has been chatting with multiple women — sending photos, paying for their nude photos/videos, asking to meet at a hotel. You threatened to leave him, but he has continued…
He has recently started staying at his Ex’s until late and lying about it.
He also visits her 1:1 when the children are not there.
He admitted to flirting with her when they message. Every time you are together he spends time messaging her, and they have even texted/voice noted at 2 a.m. (which was not about the children). He turned down the volume so you couldn’t hear.
He has not informed her about you and your pregnancy.

@Kaybayx, it is disturbing that you are staying with this faithless pig … that you are settling for his disgusting crumbs and degradation. He lies and is unfaithful. He has zero respect for you, treats you like shit on his shoe, and is a horrible role model for this child and your older child.

Life with this Player will be a train wreck. I and many others have already told you this. Don’t you want better for yourself and your children? Kick him to the curb and make a nice life with your little ones.

Edited

Just read the previous threads - and all this in a relationship’ that’s not even a year old!

Have to agree, OP, this man has shown you from day one he’s a lying sleazy cheating twat who treats you like absolute shit and yet you forgive his cheating again and again. He doesn’t love or respect you.

Please put your DC first and cut all ties with this horrible creature.

ConsuelaHammock · 11/01/2025 17:45

MsDogLady · 11/01/2025 06:10

@Kaybayx, this guy is a lying, sleazy cheat and your September, November and December threads tell all about it.

He has been on 4 dating sites. You caught him/forgave him, but he has continued…
He has been chatting with multiple women — sending photos, paying for their nude photos/videos, asking to meet at a hotel. You threatened to leave him, but he has continued…
He has recently started staying at his Ex’s until late and lying about it.
He also visits her 1:1 when the children are not there.
He admitted to flirting with her when they message. Every time you are together he spends time messaging her, and they have even texted/voice noted at 2 a.m. (which was not about the children). He turned down the volume so you couldn’t hear.
He has not informed her about you and your pregnancy.

@Kaybayx, it is disturbing that you are staying with this faithless pig … that you are settling for his disgusting crumbs and degradation. He lies and is unfaithful. He has zero respect for you, treats you like shit on his shoe, and is a horrible role model for this child and your older child.

Life with this Player will be a train wreck. I and many others have already told you this. Don’t you want better for yourself and your children? Kick him to the curb and make a nice life with your little ones.

Edited

If this is true then you have to think of the saying ‘ Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice shame on me’
Have some self respect and learn to spot the signs when someone doesn’t want you. Some men are pathetic and will be dicks so that the woman does the breaking up. It don’t sound as if he likes you never mind love you. You’d be mad to have a child with a man like this.