Easier said than done ...

[trunch]

This just came up on my FB wall. It's true but not so easy to put into practice ...

It can be hard, I agree, but actually it can make life so much easier.

I have been reading Mel Robbins’ new book around her ‘Let Them’ theory as in let them get on with it, you do you.
I think as a human being that’s almost impossible. To me I’d have to let go of who I am if I walked around being able to not react to another person’s actions.
All that stuff about ‘the most important relationship you have is with yourself’ might be true but we are also conditioned to connect and seek meaning in our relationships with others.
I think instinct is powerful as well and should not be ignored.

It’s easy to put into practice. If he chooses to cheat he’s going to do it whether you’re following him round or not. Ultimately the only person you need to live happily with is yourself. And why would you want to be with someone you don’t trust enough anyway?

True, I'm slowly coming to terms with this. Although it's perfectly fine to have a chat about boundaries. E.g. you could say to your partner that him talking to his exes makes you feel uncomfortable and he may decide to not do that going forward out of respect. So sometimes it's good to have some input. Other than that, let them do whatever they want to do and if they abuse your trust then you can walk away happily knowing they were the problem.

I listened to a podcast when DH cheated and this was her main focus as well. Along the lines of "you can't control what he does, but what you can control is making yourself a strong enough person to know you'll be okay if it happens again".

This is how my DH and I live. We don’t stop each other from having certain friends or going out. We don’t give each other a curfew or check phones. We don’t get jealous over work colleagues.

It’s nice. We choose each other every day. We choose to stay in our relationship every day. We get to show each other we want to be together every day.

Once you start curtailing someone’s freedom you’re hanging onto your relationship by your fingernails.

Nope. Dictating who he can talk to is the antithesis of this. Your boundary could be that if he talks to his ex you walk. You can’t ask him not to talk to her though.

I don't mean saying to your partner "you can't do this" I just mean it's okay to express when something makes you uncomfortable and then leave it in their hands. Let them decide what they do with that info.