How to leave my husband

[Mamaincognito]

not happy in my marriage

we keep having convos where I’m open and he doesn’t know what to say - then later repeats his sentences on how he can’t talk to me because he thinks I’ll react badly - this is no matter how much I change my reaction or how patient I am, and when I ask what I can do differently he says it’s a him problem

he keeps promising to change and I keep being lenient and giving him more time but it’s starting to affect my parenting towards my one year old when he’s home

i don’t know how to leave and work / sort childcare / etc

i have no family and moved to be with him so no connections near me

any advice would be appreciated

he held a facade until we got married and I guess I stupid for falling for out but I thought things were good

What is he doing wrong?

Do you work? Own your house? Have savings? You’d need to discuss custody of your child with him to establish if it’d be 50/50 care.

I don’t totally understand why your marriage is breaking down, from your message, but I believe you.

Are you working now?

have you told him you want to leave?

Breaking down because inadequate split of labour. I am main earner and carer, do all the nights by myself, essentially if I don’t do housework it doesn’t get done. I don’t mind doing housework but I can’t manage it on top of the rest.

he to being a pathological liar 4 months ago and admitted to gaslighting me and using my trauma to control and manipulate me. He was also I trying to meet up with a woman from work while pretending to be at the gym.

i don’t have family near by and I’m not comfortable with childcare just yet as she can’t talk - this is a not negotiable

we have discussed childcare and would keep the same plan of me having her 4 days and him having her three, with me doing nights / evenings as usual. I just don’t know how to afford to live on 0.6 FTE £1.5k

Honestly if you're giving zero negotiation on childcare you're putting yourself in a tough situation because also working 0.6 FTE sounds like it won't give you enough money. Can you make any big lifestyle adjustments to help facilitate your childcare choice?

I don’t think so, we don’t have streaming service fees and buy ingredients to make food from scratch, we live quite a humble life. just can’t negotiate my childcare’s rules, it’s stupid and a ‘just in case’ but if she can’t talk then she can’t tell me if something I need to know about happens.

a one bed near me is £800 so after bills I thin we would have £400pn to live on. I just don’t know how to go about it

Is moving back near to family an option?

Have you checked what you'd be entitled to as a single parent? You might get UC top-ups to your wage.

Of you are going to leave, you need to get comfortable with childcare or else manage him like that.