This is going to be jumbled because I have not long been discharged from the crisis team so am all over the place. I also don't mind if nobody replies or if anything is outing I will happily message anyone
I found out about my partner of 16 years affair 25th Feb last year. I had an anonymous message on Facebook saying ask X who X is, it later transpired it was her. I rang him and asked and he denied knowing her. I told him the next day can we fix this and he said I don't think it can be fixed. So he told the children (12, 14, 17) that he was going to be moving out because he had been chatting to another woman. He told the children I blocked her yesterday and he even said to them I swear on your lives we are just friends and I will never speak to her again.
The next morning I ask can you tell me the truth and he admitted they had sex once in October. I was devastated and did the pick me dance and he said he wanted to stay. I said let me see your phone and he was still in contact with her. In actual fact all of her friends were messaging him regarding her. He blocked her and deleted Facebook and swore he didn't want to speak to her again. At this point I could feel my mental health slipping but I thought it was once a mistake. That night the ow partner messaged me and said he found out about the affair in October and moved out and had messaged him back then and the day I found out. That she used to work at the pub he sings at on a Friday but actually works at the hotel he sang at three other days a week. I had asked P earlier if he knew who her partner was and denied anything. I was pacing all night and left at 6am to get a train I was beside myself.
Huge back story coming up in September 21 my 11yr old daughter caught COVID two weeks into secondary school. It attacked her brain and she couldn't walk or eat and was in hospital (I had a thread possibly under a different username). She had been in hospital since she got ill in the September until on the 13th November they told us she was seriously ill and needed to be ventilated and taken to Bristol (we are Pembrokeshire). I asked us she going to be ok and they told me she was possibly going to die. They told me this in an open corridor outside of a ward and I had a complete breakdown I actually needed to be injected twice. How they let me follow on to Bristol a few hours later I don't know. I still have no idea what I was injected with. Anyway She woke from a coma two weeks before Christmas. She came home with a bed in the living room because she couldn't walk, I slept next to her every night. She was in nappies, I fed her round the clock. She has improved a lot but needed/needs constant care. She ended up with PANS, CFS, PTSD, selective mutism and an ed also she is still in a wheelchair. I slept in that living room and looked after our daughter 24/7. I didn't go anywhere or have anything or have anyone to talk to except him. I had no friends he was my world. For 18 months we lived in that living room until we were given an adapted house with an extension.
I went through hell with our daughter, she was so badly suffering with PTSD she wouldn't sleep alone or be without me. I was exhausted I sent him desperate messages and he never replied. I eventually found out he forwarded all my messages to her for them to call me and abusive shit mother). She wouldn't eat and I had to feed her like a toddler five times a day by the spoon. I had to wash and dress her, deal with periods.
Anyway the day I packed a bag and left he phoned me and admitted it had been going on seven months. She turned up at my house whilst I was on the phone to ask him to leave. I took an overdose at that point and was found in a church hours from home. I had a complete mental breakdown. I didn't eat, I lost three stone and was put straight on Prozac, quetiapine (anti psychotic), zopiclone and lorazepam long term. I thought we would be ok. We rearranged everything in the house so our daughter had someone with her at night and tried to rebuild a relationship. Whilst I was completely floating he picked me.
Then she found a way to message me and say actually this didn't start seven months back, it's been on and off since January 22. So whilst I was so relieved to have our daughter at home and caring for her round the clock he did that. She was originally a barmaid in the pub he sang in every Friday. They got chatting and there we go. She followed it up with screenshots of when they first got chatting. Him saying he gets a lot of attention as a singer but has never bothered before but it was different with her, there was a spark straight away and she is fucking gorgeous so thought fuck it life is too short.... I then received screenshots of photos of them together at the beach, in our daughter's mobility car. Then a message when they finished the first time in the May him saying he would leave if it wasn't for our daughter. That he would miss her and that he thinks the world of her. She had left her partner
I stupidly continued and married him in the May (all instigated by me because I clearly to anyone was absolutely not ok). Only my best friend and her husband came. We get back after a week away in Liverpool (huge Beatles fans) and I put my private Instagram photo as a picture of our names and date we got married on the cavern wall). Then she messaged me. First she sent through a song he had written for her and played on guitar. This broke me I had waited 16 years for a song and he wrote this for her after knowing her two months. I had screenshot after screenshot of their conversations. How she was the best thing that had ever happened to him. How she was so much better than me. How beautiful she was. They had sex in my daughter's mobility car. She found my youngest son on tiktok and messaged him saying I hope he enjoyed sitting on the seats covered in his and her cum. They called me old misery. He said he wanted to marry her. He let her call me gypsy roses mother and that I wanted to keep my daughter ill. Trust me I hate how difficult life is for her and me. I've advocated alone in all of this. Everyone in the hotel knew they were in a relationship and people would even tell him to leave.
When they initially split up she got straight back with her partner and got pregnant by him. They were still messaging and started having sex again two weeks after she had a baby. He told her he would always regret not leaving for her and that he wished her baby was his. This was heartbreaking because I always wanted more children but he didn't want the two we had together (she had five children). He had brought up my 17 yr old since he was a baby and he has ASD. He would take pictures of him eating and sending them to her mocking him and calling him vile. He told her I didn't know who my dad was because my mother had an affair.
He even met up with her for sex twice when we were staying in a caravan park as a mini break in the April after our daughter was sick.. The caravan park was in the town he sang in. He even told her he didn't think our youngest son was his! On new years he had sex with her whilst our cat was put down and it was the anniversary of my dad's death. I asked him for a hug and he walked out. All the abuse I had and he wouldn't once say anything to her. Even after she set up an Instagram account sharing every message I had sent him saying how I was struggling alone looking after our daughter.
I love him with all my heart and I so want this to work, he did make changes. He changed his phone number, stopped singing, swapped day jobs. Does equal with our daughter.
Fast forward to July last year and I started to have seizures. After five seizures I was put on tablets which made them worse. After months of daily seizures in October I was admitted to hospital for three weeks to be moved to keppra and to come off mental health medication because they said the quetiapine and Prozac together had caused the seizures.
Since October I've slowly declined mentally. I'm really struggling and it's like it's all fresh in my head. I feel like he robbed me of years of a life, how could he do this to me. Yeah she was younger than me (I'm almost 40, she is 34). But when I say she is the walking shein advert and extremely ugly and overweight is an understatement. Yes I sound like a bitch I've been put through hell by her precious screenshots.
I just can't get the song out of my head, why wasn't I enough. Why wasn't life too short to try with me. How do I live without him. Why am I feeling like this all over again now almost 11 months down the line.