Advice please

[Foxglove8x]

Am I being “selfish“ using “insane logic” have “pathetic feelings” because I asked my boyfriend to not respond (u til the morning) to late night messages from Etsy customers (mostly women) regarding enquires, potential orders late on in the evening. (10pm -6am?)

You don't want him to respond to female customers because you're insecure? There's nothing pathetic about that.

I think it’s healthy to have boundaries around business messages - it’s tempting to reply whatever the time, as you want to keep your quick reply stats up, but you do need to mentally switch off sometimes.

However, that’s very different to you wanting him not to reply as they’re female customers. That is indeed a bit pathetic. If you don’t trust him to interact in a professional manner with his customers the relationship has no future. Whether that’s due to his previous behaviour or your insecurity, without trust it’s pointless.

Thank you for your honest response!

Why don't you want him responding? Becuase it interupts your time together? Disturbs you or wakes you up? Or because you think communication with women is inappropriate. If the latter, you're being ridiculous. If the former, fair enough.

He should have a cut off point for customers. It is unreasonable for customers to expect a reply at unreasonable hours. I don't understand why u mentioned customers being women.

Not pathetic - asking him to spend less time on his business and maintain a work/private life boundary

Yes pathetic - asking him specifically not to respond to women

So you all be ok with partner Having conversations with women customers in the middle of the night whilst in bed
you say that wouldn’t bother you and it’s is okay?

What would bother me is my partner working in bed. I would be annoyed if he was glued to his phone constantly answering messages.

I would not be bothered if his customers were female.

What's he selling?? Assuming it's a product jumper/card/craft and not himself why on earth would the customer being female be a problem?

I would not like my partner answering business messages late into the night for his wellbeing and for interrupting time together. I couldn't give a fig about it being women.

Can you identify why it being women bothers you? Has he a history of cheating or messaging where he shouldn't?

If not this is really insecure behaviour on your part.

Literally this. 100%.
OP - Your fixation on the customers being women is absolutely bizarre.

This goes a lot deeper than having an issue with your partner replying to business messages late at night.

you clearly have an issue because it’s women. Has he cheated in the past? Do you have reason not to trust him?

Either way this does not sound like a healthy happy relationship.

Is there a reason you don't trust him? My husband is a wedding musician, often the client he discusses things with in the first instance is a woman. I have absolutely no issue with this at all. Sometimes it's mildly irritating of he is answering lots of messages late in the evening but that's nothing to do with the gender of the person he is speaking to (and generally I accept that this is important for him to do to keep his business going). I think worrying about that is a little odd, especially when there is no reason why he would ever meet these people in real life? I can see why he might feel you are being controlling.

LIke @username299 My issue is the working in bed late at night. I have clients in the US.s ometimes i have to work late at night. i don't do it in bed while DH is there, or in the lounge while he's trying to watch tv. the sex of the people he's working for is irrelevant.

Also, side bar, if he is flirting with his Etsy customers, that WOULD bother me, bu tmostly because it's so icky. If I email a seller on Etsy I want a factual, professional response back, not some creepy man emailing me inappropriate things late at night.

I don't understand why you're particularly concerned about female customers. Yes, I trust my OH, so I don't expect him to treat male and female customers / colleagues any different to the male ones.

You're suggesting that talking to them after a certain time means it's somehow not a business conversation? So it comes down to - are you doubting what he's talking about with them?

Do you trust him? If so it won't make a difference to you who he's talking to at what time.

If it's a case of 'I think he should get some down time and I don't like the phone pinging while I'm trying to sleep' then fair enough - but in that case you should be asking him not to deal with any work business after a certain time. But differentiating between men and women makes it sound like you don't trust him. Only you know if that's a reasonable response (in which case, leave him) or unreasonable.

51% of the population is female. Are you insecure about all of them?