hoping for some advice and apologies it’s extremely long post,feel as I have no one to talk to about this.
I’m a single mom of 4 young kids aged between 3-9 years old, I am 35 years old. I split from my ex boyfriend 2 years ago. A couple of months after the split I bumped into an old work colleague and we had a chat swapped numbers. We have been seeing each other since then so about 18 months now. He is 55 years old with 2 grown up children (closer to my age). He is a very young acting 55 year old but I know that won’t last forever.
But we get on so well, we just click and I fell very quickly for this man, we both said quite early on how strong our feelings were.
But obviously I have 4 young children I knew it wasn’t going to be easy as we are very different life stages. I said from the start I didn’t want to get too serious as I just didn’t think it was practical long term.But every time I tried to stop seeing him I’d find myself seeing him again. I’ve only let him meet my kids twice in 18 months and that was as my friend not boyfriend, he does keep asking to see them but I’m really reluctant as I just don’t know where this is going and they are still very upset about me and their dad splitting. They idolise their father but don’t see him often.
BF will be retiring in ten years, I work part time with a view to go full time when kids are older. He regularly socialises 2-3 times a week with friends and goes to the gym 3-4 times a week. I don’t get much time to socialise and any invite he has he asks me to go but usually I can’t as babysitters for 4 kids are nearly impossible!!
He goes on a friends holiday once a year, I mentioned I’m taking kids on a staycation this year, he didn’t ask to come although I already know I’d have said no.
his work sees him driving long hours sometimes 12 hour days. I’m perfectly fine with this, if it was just me, as I’d also gave freedom and time to see him other times, but I don’t see how his lifestyle and my lifestyle with 4 children are going to work. They spend every other weekend at their dads so I get to see him then and he occasionally comes over once the kids are in bed in the week. He is very understanding with my lifestyle but I do think that’s because he has so much in his social life it also suits him seeing me less frequently. I don’t want to change that for him but also know he has his life and it’s like regimented the days times places he goes, i know it’s like me and kids would just fit around all of that.
That’s not what I want for our future, for a relationship that involves my kids, I haven’t told any of my family about him, he’s only 7 years younger than my dad and I know my parents will not approve so I guess I’m scared/anxious of the fallout as I rely on them for support with the children. My friends have met him and really like him, but they don’t see the issue when I say I can’t see a future where my kids are involved.
after 18 months together I can honestly say I don’t want a casual relationship or someone that will tolerate my children
they don’t need a dad but I want someone that I can plan a future with, living with, holidays with the kids, Christmas as a family. Just don’t see him taking on that role, he’s been there and done that. He’s not great with young children and he’s already said he’s happy living separately that he couldn’t imagine living with young kids again now his are grown.
feels so sad as I know for mine and my kids future this relationship isn’t going to work, I’m kicking myself for allowing it continue this long as I love this man and have really fallen for him. We are great together as a couple but as a family it wouldn’t ever work. Don’t know how to end it, I know it’s going to hurt both of us and guess I don’t want to say goodbye, it hurts even thinking of not seeing him again, am I just prolonging the inevitable?