He Bit Me

[P1985]

Me and my husband got into an argument last night whilst in bed, nothing major or serious. Anyway he bit my cheek. Not hard enough to break the skin but it hurt! He says he was doing in a playful way but I felt it was an aggression way as we were bickering. I don’t know what to do. Am I being too sensitive and should I accept his apology?

No! You’re under-reacting! This is domestic violence. It is not normal to bite another person in the face! This is very worrying as biting is animalistic and should not be taken lightly. Do you have children?

Yes we have two children, who
were woken up with the argument at midnight. I’m so sad, I don’t want that for my children :(

Fucking hell. In an argument that’s not playful. If you were having sex and it was a gentle nibble, still weird but ok. When you’re in the midst of a disagreement it’s aggression.

FWIW the man who bit me also strangled me and it’s only because my flatmate heard me scream and woke up that I’m still alive. Please do not stay with a man who is physically aggressive towards you.

I had an ex bite my face during an argument. I stupidly stayed with him for some years afterwards. He hurt me in others during the course of those years and I wish deeply I had left him after the biting incident.

Keep yourself safe, op.

This is bad, op. You need to think very carefully about what to do next.

You and he now need to be apart permanently. Plan your exit from this abusive man with due care and attention. Seek support from Women’s Aid and never hesitate to call the police too.

get this injury to your cheek documented any the GP. He has put your physical health at risk here too.

OP. An argument that wakes your children is major and serious.
His assault on you - if he did this to a person on the street he would be arrested and charged - is horrible. Don't let him ruin your life and your children's. Kick him out.

No that's totally wrong op. You need to take this very seriously. He should never ever physically hurt you in any way, even when bickering. I also wouldnt minimise is as bickering. If it woke your children up at midnight it was more than bickering. You are not being over sensitive at all.
Has he been like this before or shown any signs of control or aggression? What was the argument about?

I agree with the poster who said this is animalistic.
I think it’s violence that could well escalate. Your children hearing this is just awful, how can they trust a violent father?
Please seek some support, from Women’s Aid or a local domestic abuse organisation.

The argument after the bite was what woke the children up as I was telling him to leave. Yes there have been other occasions when I’ve been hurt. Then he always says he’s sorry and can we make up. We’ve been together 23 years, 2 children and I don’t have much in the way of support and I’m not financially stable so it’s just so hard

This is not something a normal person does in the course of an argument, it's an indication that he's capable of much worse.

The language you've used is very minimising, a loud argument that wakes your children is not "bickering". A bite to the face is not something to be brushed off with a pathetic apology.

Does he often dismiss your feelings, make you feel crazy or unreasonable if you react to him pushing boundaries? It sounds like he's been gaslighting you to downplay his behaviour so he can do as he likes, this is textbook abuse and only ever gets worse.

I didn't think this would be a one off incident. I'm so sorry he's doing this to you.
You really need to do whatever it takes to get away from him. You are not safe around him. He is an abuser. You may feel like it's impossible due to finances, but you need to protect you and the children. You should contact womens aid for advice, and start looking at what benefits you could apply for.
It sounds like you've been minimising his abuse for some time.

How else has he hurt you?

So this isn't the first time he's hurt you physically? This relationship just isn't healthy, it's not 'He bit me' it's 'He periodically hurts me, then says sorry afterwards'.

Please don't stay just because you're worried about money - You'll find a way.
But one way or another you shouldn't be with someone who does this to you.

You need to protect yourself and your children - what's your living situation?

Echoing every other posters comments but also wanted to add that biting your face and especially such a prominent part, feels to me extra sinister. I mean, what kind of person even thinks to do this never mind does it? Just a hairs difference in force, angle whatever and you could have been scarred for life.

Fuck me. That's not normal or ok. At all.

Contact women’s aid and they will help you to make an exit plan. Are you working? If not, or if you’re on a low income you will be entitled to financial support including universal credit, child benefits, housing benefit and council tax benefit. You will also be entitled to child maintenance payments from your abuser. Check out what you would be able to claim on the turn 2 us benefit calculator. As you are married, you will be entitled to half of all the marital assets too. Do you own the home or rent. If you both own the house see a lawyer about how you approach selling it if you can’t buy him out. If you rent, whose name is the tendency in? If it’s both, you will have to get him removed from the tenancy, or leave with the children and go to women’s aid who will house you in temporary accommodation until you are allocated a permanent residence. Apply to every housing association in your area and your local council for housing stating that you are homeless due to fleeing domestic violence. They have to house you and the children as a priority.

First things first though, contact women’s aid. They can help you with everything from money to housing to getting a lawyer.

You might want to read this book too.

https://www.docdroid.net/2fZmz40/why-does-he-do-that-pdf

This won’t get better. It will only get worse. It’s not your fault. You don’t deserve it. He is abusive and it’s a crime. He’s a criminal. Please get to safety with the children who deserve to grow up in a safe home, not around violence and abuse. Remember, you are their role model as a mother and you need to show them that being treated like this is unacceptable so they don’t grow up to become abused or abusive. And DO NOT tell your husband you are planning to leave as this is the most dangerous time for victims of domestic abuse.

Well done for coming here for advice and support. That’s the first step.

You mentioned you have been together 23 years, so probably not the first time he's been violent.You need to get yourself out of this marriage ,it can only get worse as he ages and realises your never going to leave or report the assaults.

If someone says sorry then hurts you again they never really meant it. Actions speak louder than words. I know how hard it is, how scary and impossible it feels,but the only thing I regret after finally leaving is that I didn't find a way to do it sooner and the harm that was done to me and my children. What he did is really fucked up and worrying, you need to stay safe and that means getting you all away from him.

That is a very serious assault. Biting is an escalation.

You don’t need to be in a strong financial position to leave this man, but now is the time op. That is very very serious. Can you see your GP? Or call women’s aid this morning.

I'm sorry that happened to you, op. That's very disturbing behaviour. And not the first time he's done something, he's abusive. Leave, please.

You mean 'there have been other occasions when he has hurt you'? Don't minimise it.

OP. Get out and get your children out. I’m sorry x

He bit your face.

If someone bit your child’s face would you write it off as playful?

It was aggression. He was telling you he can disfigure you.

This happened to a relative of mine. He bit her during an argument. A few weeks later he bit a chunk out of her face. She still has the scar. She was granted a restraining order.

Please leave.

Unless he was suffering from acute psychosis then he was committing violence against you out of anger. Which of course is utterly unacceptable. Even in a very extreme argument biting someone's face is bizarre and terrifying. Like something out of a horror movie.