I have an opportunity to'save'my relationship and I am ballsing it up, it would seem

[dividedself]

I started a bad relationship 7 months ago. Bad in that dp was and still is divorcing his wife. We are really at the end of the road as the stress has just been too much and now there is bitterness and resentment on both sides even though we had some very happy times together and he was apparently 'crazy about me'. Now, he admits that the actual love has gone and I'd admit that I'm quite unhappy although I still love him. Neither of us want to give up on things completely- we did try this but missed each other greatly despite the arguments but as soon as we're back on, we are snappy and it isn't working at all.

We do have a lot to save- we both have children who are also close and we are very happy when the stresses aren't there.

The divorce will not be complete before the end of this summer so we have decided to cool things and kind of date one another on a more casual basis. We are offering one an other fidelity,etc.and taking a 'let's seewhat happens' approach.

However, I am tormented by both missing his company and the idea that fidelity is uncertain when there is very little binding us together right now. It is true that he is going on a bit of mid-divorce bender although I'm not saying he is unfaithful,he is just being quite, um, carefree and drinking a lot with his male friends. He needs this and should have done this beforewe got involved with each other.Everything is in reverse,sadly.

Also, I'd say he is the driving force behind cooling things off although I KNOW it is the only way forward. Honestly, I think complete separation would be better but he always misses me and me him and we never stay proeprly apart. Plus, I don't know if I could handle the having other relationships part of separating now.

We are destroying what little we have leftas things are. What can we do?

Thanks. I think the not loving me stuff was amidst quite an honest and frank discussion and tbh. I know it.

Fullmoon, I do indeed need to stop blaming myself. I am very much guilty of stepping back and allowing myself to be reeled back in, it's just because I'm not strong enough and eventually I let myself be completely used. So, although the idea of enforcing separation is good in theory I will struggle in reality LaComtesse.

Pheebe, that was a helpful post,thank you. I think what you've said is to the point but gives me a little hope which is kind of you -
I'm sure from my posting it is obvious that I'm not having an easy time letting go.

It does take time to disentangle yourself from an ex emotionally. It will take time but you have to take care of yourself.

Good luck .