Meet the Other Phone. Flexible and made to last.

Meet the Other Phone.
Flexible and made to last.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Ex split up with me and now rebounding.

20 replies

Tlittle · 08/01/2025 19:59

Hi, myself and my ex were together for over 8 years.
Last month we started not getting on and had a few major rows as I felt he wasnt listening to me. He suddenly dumped me 4 weeks ago saying we weren't working and couldnt marry due to this. Exchanged xmas presents still, he took his engagment ring off xmas day he said, and then I found out 2 days later through facebook he was already with a work colleague who he had said was not someone to worry about.
He didn't seem very keen on her. Mutual friends are so shocked about him and her, about him and me.
When we split he did seem unsure for a few days.
She is also rebounding and has severe issues. She has a history of violence and is up and down, had a recent end life attempt and tbh i dont know what he sees in her at all. I had to block her as she started being mean to me through social media.
I have lost a stone already through stress although i needed to.
I just want to know wether he will come back.
Apart from december we were so close and were best friends with intense chemistry. Im thinking she was there while we were going through issues and visa versa.
Any advice? I am not ready to move on I just want him. How can someone be with someone that long and our familys were entwined to dating someone else in so little time. A work person.
Life feels so unfair. He was such a nice bloke I dont recognise him now. We were so well fitted never thought we break up now he has someone else and has blocked me.
Just so angry right now that the sadness has lifted. Thank you.

OP posts:
Soonenough · 08/01/2025 20:03

He is showing you who is really is. Would you really want him now ? Cut your losses and move on.

LetGoLetThem1234 · 08/01/2025 20:08

Yeah, sounds like it's going to get really messy. Detach, grieve, and move on with your life.

He's not worth the angst.

Dery · 08/01/2025 20:19

Ah, OP - that’s really tough. I’m so sorry you’re going through this. You had clearly had previous discussions about this woman - he told you not to worry about her which suggests you already had concerns. I suspect he has been cheating on you with her, or wanting to cheat on you with her. So he hasn’t moved on within a couple of days - for him, this has probably been on the horizon for a while.

This is all very fresh and painful after 8 years together. You’re not going to feel like moving on for a while. You’re grieving the end of the relationship and the loss of the future you thought you had. Just be as gentle as possible with yourself. Do you have much support in real life?

Collette78 · 08/01/2025 20:19

It’s normal to feel the way you feel … BUT it doesn’t mean you should attempt to reconcile with him. It’s your body and brain missing the routine and familiarity and will pass in a couple of weeks (or months given you were together 8 years)

Whatever he is doing now just isn’t your business, so leave him to it.
You aren’t together, so you need to learn to have no interest in him or his life.

Focus on you and building your own new future and routines.

StormingNorman · 08/01/2025 20:22

I’m so sorry. It’s all so sudden. He may want to come back if it goes tits up with the OW - but would you really want him back in those circumstances?

Diarygirlqueen · 08/01/2025 20:23

Ah OP, so sorry to hear this. I agree with the other posters, try and detach and work on yourself.
8 years is a long time, so be gentle with yourself.
I hope you don't take him back, it does sound as if he was cheating, but if you want him back, I wouldn't be contacting him. Make him miss you and when the madness hits, he'll come running back. Hopefully by then, you'll have moved on and see that you deserve better x

Madamegreen · 08/01/2025 20:31

I'm a great believer in couples taking a step back in relationships and having a break or temporary separation. To allow tension, dust to settle and see new perspectives.

However that shouldn't include the allowance of third of fourth parties.
This is messy.
He may well pop out of this emotional chaos. In the meantime time concentrate on making new routines and stay physically healthy.
Then you can make a decision with a clearer head rather than with a broken heart....

Tlittle · 08/01/2025 20:48

Thank you everyone. I am working on myself, trying new things and leaning on family and friends. I would not rush back to him straight away for sure after everything that has happened, just I am finding that jealousy is consuming me and I worry about him being with her.

OP posts:
grimmeeper · 08/01/2025 20:48

I doubt your sudden rows and her being on the scene aren't a coincidence

MrsGhastlyCrumb · 08/01/2025 20:54

Ad intensely painful as this must be, my best advice to you is to find your dignity- fake it til you make it. Please do not entertain further contact: do not talk to him. Find distractions where you can (like podcasts, colouring in, puzzles, whatever...)

Let him discover for himself what a massive mistake he has made. Sounds like it won't take long.

But don't take him back. He's done you a massive favour by showing you he can't be trusted and he is not who you thought he was. In time you'll get past this, I promise.

ScabbyHorse · 08/01/2025 20:57

It would be a shame to try and get him back now after what he's done. Much better revenge is to get over him, which will take time, and then move on and feel better in yourself. In time you will see that he was not good enough for you.

GreatTheCat · 08/01/2025 21:55

You need to leave him.

It's so depressing reading this stuff.

aurynne · 08/01/2025 22:54

He is not rebounding, OP. He was cheating on you with her, and left you to go to her.

The sooner you accept this, and the sooner you decide he's a nasty cheater, the faster you will heal. Even if he came back, he would make your life misery. You deserve so much better.

You are hurting right now, and there will be many low moments of intense pain still to come. But they will become less, and less, and one day you will realise you haven't thought of him in the whole day, and then in 2 days... And finally you will find you don't give a shit who he is with anymore, because you don't love him or care about him. You will be free. Free to choose whether you stay single, or give another (better) man a chance to share his life with you.

Please don't let him waste a single more day of your pain that is absolutely necessary.

H112 · 09/01/2025 01:45

Block him. Move on before he reaches out. Burn all his crap.

patricia21 · 09/01/2025 02:45

This reply has been deleted

This has been deleted by MNHQ for breaking our Talk Guidelines.

Monty27 · 09/01/2025 02:59

I sincerely hope he doesn't come crawling back because you can do much better than an asshole who behaves like that.
Be strong.

ColourBlueColourPurple · 09/01/2025 04:21

What a shit. Would you even want to be with him now? He's shown you who he is.

She's just some rebound, she could be anyone. No doubt it'll go tits up in the near future.

nodramaplz · 09/01/2025 04:59

Tlittle · 08/01/2025 20:48

Thank you everyone. I am working on myself, trying new things and leaning on family and friends. I would not rush back to him straight away for sure after everything that has happened, just I am finding that jealousy is consuming me and I worry about him being with her.

This is natural, we do often torture ourselves but the hardest part is over.
The separation is done, work on finding yourself and strength to know what you deserve.
I'm so sorry this is happening to you x

HollyKnight · 09/01/2025 05:23

The him you want back doesn't exist.

Elektra1 · 09/01/2025 05:41

Something similar happened to me last year, except we weee married with a kid it's very painful and hard, but your fastest route to peace is accepting that the person who treated you this way is not "your person". Anyone who does not choose you is not your person. He's dishonest and lacks integrity you deserve honesty and integrity.

Let him go. Better things will happen for you when you detach from the things and people which/who have not served you well.

New posts on this thread. Refresh page
Swipe left for the next trending thread