Page 2 | My bf hasn't texted me in a week

Acesocool · 2025-01-08T18:38:52+00:00

My boyfriend and I have been together for 2 months now and met in uni. He shows a lot of care and attention usually, atleast during the semester he would call regularly and text everyday. He also tried to see me as much as I can. His actions truly showed he cared. He also told his brother about me and his mum. However, now that it's the holidays since he is an international student he is home in his country and also he has work over the holidays. His communication has suddenly dropped off where he's been texting me one time in the whole day and disappears for long periods. I told him how this made me feel and he apologised and said he knows he should talk more but just can't. He said he will try and talk as much as he can but does have a lot on his plate working 12-16 hours. He said that but right now he hasn't texted me in a whole week with no explanation, even after I told him his lack of texting makes me feel concerned. Not even good morning texts or good night texts. I don't know how to take this. On one hand he rlly showed he's caring when he was here, but now he's not I don't rlly feel it. I get he is busy but surely someone has a few seconds in a whole week to text someone if they care about them no?

TimeForATerf · 09/01/2025 07:43

Get rid, I highly doubt his mum knows about you, you’re his bit on the side at uni that doesn’t cross with his actual life in his home country.

you’re wasting your life and youth on him.

LemonDrizzle69 · 09/01/2025 08:33

Sounds like you are out of sight, out of mind.
And you're right - there is always time. He's proved you aren't a priority of his. In fact, I don't think you're even on his priority list.
Bin this one and move on swiftly OP. x

Jazzjazzjazz · 09/01/2025 09:05

Always makes me laugh the no time thing. Most people get a lunch break, they wake up in the morning and have 5 minutes while the kettle boils, they get ready for bed at night and get into bed and can send a couple messages before they doze off. Anyone that goes on about the no time thing is either fobbing you off, or if they are defending it they are totally naive and not thinking straight. Let’s face it, we all have those people we aren’t majorly invested in that text us, and we see it and we scroll by, we intend to message back at some point, we don’t not message back because we don’t have time, we just can’t be arsed right now, would rather scroll online, do something else, text someone else, use our limited down time on things we WANT to do.

TwistedWonder · 09/01/2025 09:32

Tbh sounds like you’ve been ghosted and he’s showing you that you’re out of sight out of mind.
No one is too busy for a quick check in message. Ok don’t expect the usual high level of contact while he’s busy working but the odd ‘morning hope you’re ok’ or ‘sorry so busy at work but just wanted to say hi’ takes 10 seconds.

If he can’t find a minute in his day to contact you, let him go. He’s showing you you’re not important.

Travelban · 09/01/2025 11:46

You are the same age as one of my daughters so I will give you the same advice as I would give them; please detach yourself from this man and take this as a serious message of how much he values you.

Men are simple creatures and these are clear sign of no interest in my opinion. Like others said, he probably had another relationship st home. I am from a different country and this was very very common amongst my country folk when at uni.

VoltaireMittyDream · 09/01/2025 12:23

InkHeart2024 · 09/01/2025 07:07

Talking about how things used to be before smartphones and the internet is completely irrelevant. No contact from a boyfriend for a week when you're used to daily contact isn't normal or ok. When something deviates from the norm it's almost always behaviour that is sending a message.

Show quote history

But maybe not when they’re in another country working 16 hours a day. The whole context has changed, not just his behaviour, and OP seems to be not making any allowance for that. Maybe it doesn’t work for her to be in a relationship with someone who works long hours or lives abroad if this change in communication is so disturbing. Maybe it’s not ALL about her, or his feelings about her, his not caring enough. Maybe it’s about their very different circumstances and her inability to accommodate that without panicking.

Don’t you think it’s depressing that we’ve allowed ourselves to become such hostages to constant texting? So that we can be thrown into such spasms of insecurity and anger if our friends or partners don’t always reply to our messages within the day?

Everyone saying ‘it only takes a second to text!’ forgets that people (particularly young people!) have dozens of friends across multiple platforms constantly sending video notes and voice notes and WhatsApp’s and texts and DMs - and that adds up to a lot of ‘seconds’ to reply to everyone to make sure they din’t feel disappointed or unloved or disrespected or whatever. It’s just devouring everyone’s time and energy with constant obligation and interruption.

InkHeart2024 · 09/01/2025 12:33

VoltaireMittyDream · 09/01/2025 12:23

But maybe not when they’re in another country working 16 hours a day. The whole context has changed, not just his behaviour, and OP seems to be not making any allowance for that. Maybe it doesn’t work for her to be in a relationship with someone who works long hours or lives abroad if this change in communication is so disturbing. Maybe it’s not ALL about her, or his feelings about her, his not caring enough. Maybe it’s about their very different circumstances and her inability to accommodate that without panicking.

Don’t you think it’s depressing that we’ve allowed ourselves to become such hostages to constant texting? So that we can be thrown into such spasms of insecurity and anger if our friends or partners don’t always reply to our messages within the day?

Everyone saying ‘it only takes a second to text!’ forgets that people (particularly young people!) have dozens of friends across multiple platforms constantly sending video notes and voice notes and WhatsApp’s and texts and DMs - and that adds up to a lot of ‘seconds’ to reply to everyone to make sure they din’t feel disappointed or unloved or disrespected or whatever. It’s just devouring everyone’s time and energy with constant obligation and interruption.

Show quote history

No I don't think it's depressing at all! I think it's great that when my DH is working abroad doing 16 hour days he can text me when he wakes up saying good morning, when he eats his lunch and before he goes to bed. We don't have much time to chat but we can stay in touch. This is a great thing. And yes, young people have lots of friends, but if you like and are invested in your partner you will prioritise responding to them!

Wavescrashingonthebeach · 09/01/2025 12:36

2 months isn't a boyfriend that's just early stage dating.
He's ghosted you. Dump him.
Expect him to be all over you when he comes back though and want to pick up where he left off. It's up to you if you want to be dropped and picked up and dangled on a string but I'd recommend for your self respect not to.

StrawHatLuffy · 09/01/2025 12:38

Were you shagging?

If someone is clingy and adoring whilst getting end away... But cold and uncommunicative when not getting end away... They're not your partner, you're their masturbatory aid.

StrawHatLuffy · 09/01/2025 12:41

VoltaireMittyDream · 09/01/2025 12:23

But maybe not when they’re in another country working 16 hours a day. The whole context has changed, not just his behaviour, and OP seems to be not making any allowance for that. Maybe it doesn’t work for her to be in a relationship with someone who works long hours or lives abroad if this change in communication is so disturbing. Maybe it’s not ALL about her, or his feelings about her, his not caring enough. Maybe it’s about their very different circumstances and her inability to accommodate that without panicking.

Don’t you think it’s depressing that we’ve allowed ourselves to become such hostages to constant texting? So that we can be thrown into such spasms of insecurity and anger if our friends or partners don’t always reply to our messages within the day?

Everyone saying ‘it only takes a second to text!’ forgets that people (particularly young people!) have dozens of friends across multiple platforms constantly sending video notes and voice notes and WhatsApp’s and texts and DMs - and that adds up to a lot of ‘seconds’ to reply to everyone to make sure they din’t feel disappointed or unloved or disrespected or whatever. It’s just devouring everyone’s time and energy with constant obligation and interruption.

Show quote history

If someone CBA to spend 30 seconds texting me, I can't be arsed to let them I to my life, into my mind or I to my knickers.

Fuck em.

"Morning, busy day, txt later, thinking about you x"

That took the total of 15 seconds...
I'm not worth that? Gtf

IlooklikeNigella · 09/01/2025 12:44

Personally I'd assume it's over and move on with my life.

marcopront · 09/01/2025 12:46

What country is he in?

Does he have internet access all the time where he is?
Or if it is SMS maybe he has run out of money for sending international messages.

itsstillmehere · 09/01/2025 12:49

It sounds like you fitted the bill while he was beside you but now he's not interested. Forget him - move on .

CeffylCoch · 09/01/2025 12:50

Don't message him again. He hasn't replied because he doesn't want to

VoltaireMittyDream · 09/01/2025 13:34

StrawHatLuffy · 09/01/2025 12:41

If someone CBA to spend 30 seconds texting me, I can't be arsed to let them I to my life, into my mind or I to my knickers.

Fuck em.

"Morning, busy day, txt later, thinking about you x"

That took the total of 15 seconds...
I'm not worth that? Gtf

Show quote history

I guess if that’s your love language, fair enough. We would not be compatible partners!

FWIW I think all my friends and loved ones are ‘worthy’ but I would find it tiresome if they didn’t feel assured of my friendship or love without my sprinkling little meaningless ‘thinking about you’ messages all the time. I mean, I’m not always thinking about them! I also have other things to do!

But I’ll get off my soapbox.

whathaveiforgotten · 09/01/2025 13:40

@VoltaireMittyDream

Don’t you think it’s depressing that we’ve allowed ourselves to become such hostages to constant texting? So that we can be thrown into such spasms of insecurity and anger if our friends or partners don’t always reply to our messages within the day?

This is such a misrepresentation of OP's experience.

She hasn't been thrown into spasms of insecurity of anger by not having a response within the day.

She's used to daily contact with her boyfriend, who has a phone available, and hasn't heard from him in a week.

It's perfectly normal to be confused by that and feel upset he hasn't taken a few seconds to text her.

PiggyPigalle · 09/01/2025 13:43

" when they’re in another country working 16 hours a day." Or so he says.

Don't contact him again, either he'll wonder why and message you or won't bother. That will be your answer.
Don't waste your Uni years hanging around for a boyfriend. Socialising is a big part of the experience and over all too quickly. You'll do things that you will never do again.
When you're up to your knees in kid's washing and wondering how to find the the time to write something up for work, you'll have a wistful moment thinking back at how mad it all was. Hopefully not regretting the time wasted on hanging around for a bloke to call you.

ShouldIEvenBother · 09/01/2025 14:06

It's very simple.

If he wanted to, he would.

Yes, he's busy. Also yes: a quick text takes seconds.

He's not invested. If he wanted to message, he would.

Nothing good ever comes from a man blowing hot to cold, and sometimes back to hot. And so on. If things 'resume' with this bloke then you'll forever be in this up and down situation and it will make you feel like shit.

Move on OP.

VoltaireMittyDream · 09/01/2025 14:21

whathaveiforgotten · 09/01/2025 13:40

@VoltaireMittyDream

Don’t you think it’s depressing that we’ve allowed ourselves to become such hostages to constant texting? So that we can be thrown into such spasms of insecurity and anger if our friends or partners don’t always reply to our messages within the day?

This is such a misrepresentation of OP's experience.

She hasn't been thrown into spasms of insecurity of anger by not having a response within the day.

She's used to daily contact with her boyfriend, who has a phone available, and hasn't heard from him in a week.

It's perfectly normal to be confused by that and feel upset he hasn't taken a few seconds to text her.

I know, sorry, I just feel so aggrieved by what’s being done to young people by this expectation of being constantly available and instantly responsive.

I work with young people whose mental health is just being destroyed by ‘why didn’t she watch my insta story?’ And ‘why hasn’t he responded to my voice note that I sent 2 hours ago? Am I being ghosted?’. And all their time and attention goes to responding to this constant influx of messages. I just find it so sad.

PromiseNotToCall · 09/01/2025 15:17

He must be exhausted; however, responding to a text message only takes a few seconds. Suffice to say, men will chase if they're invested. I have never chased a man and don't recommend it either. They'll think you are desperate and clingy.

Jazzjazzjazz · 09/01/2025 16:21

VoltaireMittyDream · 09/01/2025 12:23

But maybe not when they’re in another country working 16 hours a day. The whole context has changed, not just his behaviour, and OP seems to be not making any allowance for that. Maybe it doesn’t work for her to be in a relationship with someone who works long hours or lives abroad if this change in communication is so disturbing. Maybe it’s not ALL about her, or his feelings about her, his not caring enough. Maybe it’s about their very different circumstances and her inability to accommodate that without panicking.

Don’t you think it’s depressing that we’ve allowed ourselves to become such hostages to constant texting? So that we can be thrown into such spasms of insecurity and anger if our friends or partners don’t always reply to our messages within the day?

Everyone saying ‘it only takes a second to text!’ forgets that people (particularly young people!) have dozens of friends across multiple platforms constantly sending video notes and voice notes and WhatsApp’s and texts and DMs - and that adds up to a lot of ‘seconds’ to reply to everyone to make sure they din’t feel disappointed or unloved or disrespected or whatever. It’s just devouring everyone’s time and energy with constant obligation and interruption.

Show quote history

your last point is invalid, what women wants to b lumped in with “dozens of friends to reply to” there’s no expectation to check in with most people on the regular, if you get back to them later, most friends feelings wouldn’t be hurt, it’s normal not to hear from a friend for a week, or longer.

They are supposedly dating, a totally different scenario, if that was his excuse “so many other people to reply to”, it would be a solid reason to end the whole thing anyway.

coxesorangepippin · 09/01/2025 16:37

Find someone else

CheekyHobson · 09/01/2025 16:44

I’m really sorry but if you’ve been used to daily contact and you’ve reached out to him a couple of times with no response, after a week of silence I would assume I was being ghosted.

I’d block his number as even if he rears his head again in coming days, I wouldn’t want to be in a relationship with someone who can’t find 30 seconds out of 168 hours to send me a message.

Gabitule · 09/01/2025 17:14

Op, please ignore messages from posters who tell you that you’re needy or desperate or that it’s ‘normal’ for boyfriends not to text. In this day and age, as I’m sure you well know, people who are interested text most days, if not every day. Those who don’t text (or call/ write/ send postcards) are not interested! Even men who are not natural texters/ callers do it because they know that this is what the ‘competition’ does and they don’t want to lose you to someone else. There are, of course, a small percentage of men who don’t text/ call even though they like you as much as they can like someone, because they are not really in touch with their feelings or emotionally available. But you don’t want those men, believe me.

Don’t make the mistake in staying in lukewarm relationships by thinking that your you’re not in a rush to get married, are just having fun or some other excuse (unless you also want a casual fling too). Being with someone who isn’t really into you slowly destroys your confidence and sense of self worth and your ability to choose the right guy next time.

Even if this you isn’t a texter, if he cared about you he would have texted more because you told him his lack of contact concerns you… Actually, I just checked your first message and you said that he used to text every day when you met, so he knows how it’s done.

Please make sure to set healthy boundaries with men and stick to them. I am talking as someone who always tried to be easy going when dating, not come across as demanding, not put pressure on men etc. It does not work! When men are interested they go through fire to be with someone (even someone they perceive as demanding and needy). When they’re not interested no amount of ‘easy-goingness’ is going to change their mind.

TwistedWonder · 09/01/2025 17:25

Jazzjazzjazz · 09/01/2025 16:21

your last point is invalid, what women wants to b lumped in with “dozens of friends to reply to” there’s no expectation to check in with most people on the regular, if you get back to them later, most friends feelings wouldn’t be hurt, it’s normal not to hear from a friend for a week, or longer.

They are supposedly dating, a totally different scenario, if that was his excuse “so many other people to reply to”, it would be a solid reason to end the whole thing anyway.

Show quote history

Completely agree and I’m of an ‘older’ generation.

I’ve got friends I message every day or do, others weekly and others less regularly or if we are making plans to meet. That’s completely different to a romantic partner who most people would expect to be in daily/almost daily contact.

This is a new relationship where both parties showing their best side and hrs already showing the OP she’s not important.

However I do think he’s just dumped her and not had the balls to tell her.