Ex H & I split up at the end of last year. Almost identical scenario to CGMs except my H refuses to officially move out (though thankfully rarely stays) & wil not admit to his affair with Chinese person. The cruelty & deliberate knife twisting is horrific, & unfortunately H is refusing to consider the dcs feelings/wants/needs in all this to the point where he is now involving the dc in his campaign of hatred towards me.
This was supposed to be Hs third weekend with the kids. I had got them all ready & the little one was just finishing her dinner when he arrived 15 minutes early ranting that they needed to get going because of the traffic. Both dc had already mentioned on numerous occasions that they didnt want to go with dad, they wanted to stay home, & they had already seen him that week etc etc. I tried sooo hard to encourage them to want to go, but they were having none of it. Unfortunately despite my coaxing (& Hs rantings about the traffic) they simply refused to go with him. They were crying hysterically saying "mummy" H pushed them into the car continually ranting that they had to go NOW!! or would get stuck in traffic, but the dc continued to cry. I asked him to leave it, & pick them up from school next weekend & it would probably be easier, but he refused, ranting on that we would end up in court. I questioned how any of this was my fault when I had actively encouraged them to go with him. Eventually he dragged both dc out of the car telling them to get out & they both ran sobbing to me. It was heartbreaking.
He phoned me 10 minutes later asking me what I was going to do about it. He then sent me a text saying he needed to have the children this weekend & would I meet him half way tomorrow morning? No how are the dc & hope they are ok, all about his needs.
I had an appointment first thing, & said I would ring & let him know when we were out. We tried constantly ringing & texting him during our long journey to the meeting point, but didnt get through until we were literally in the car park when he announced he hadnt even left yet. I had a few choice words to say & hung up on him taking the girls for some lunch. He finally met us an hour later, & with a bit of coaxing I managed to get the dc to go with him. No thanks from H for agreeing to spend half the day driving around the country so he could spend time with the dc. The tears were rolling down my face as I watched them go. (& now ) I then spent another 2 hours on the road driving to my original intended destination.
I spoke to my eldest that evening. Shes always a different child when shes with him, only giving one word answers to anything she`s asked. Thankfully youngest is always herself.
Originally the intention was that they would be coming home today, & that was the only way I managed to get them to go with him by saying I would see them on Sunday. I wouldnt be surprised now if he doesnt refuse to bring them back till monday. It seems so unfair that the dc are quite legally allowed to be used in this way, & their feelings are almost totally disregarded.
I so wanted to avoid involving solicitors & the courts in my dealings with this person, but its seeming more & more inevitable.
Its the dc that will suffer most. But it seems like thats happening already.