Are you coping with your DH working at home?

[struggling24]

Just wondering about people's perspectives of men working at home? Because in a way it is invading your personal space (or is it just me who thinks like that?)

My ex worked in an office, was out 7am - 7pm 5 days a week. I did my own thing which was a mix of raising children and working.

Now he is home based 100%, but we are split up, so he gets the children much more than he would have if he was 100% office based. I feel that is not necessarily a benefit for kids as they are always shlepping between houses and have less stability and peaceful routine.

Also my DP is 100% home-based which really gets on my nerves.

Means on my days off I don't have the house to myself- and he is now the defacto boss of the house rather than me.

Feeling a bit aggrieved by it all and wondering about other's thoughts?

Or it’s a space issue - aka they dint have a spare room to use as office!!
Nit everyone has a house that easily allow wfh

You do realise that he never gets the house to himself on his days off (Saturday and Sunday)? Why do you feel that you are entitled to that privilege but he isn’t?

I don't believe in full time WFH.

Bit I think everyone should have an external job whenever possible as it helps in multiple ways.

Sympathies OP.
I love having the house to myself, since covid it's just a distant memory.
I used to have house to myself one or two days a week, was bliss, now DH is permanently WFH 5 days a week it rarely happens.
Was particularly annoying when I booked Xmas eve off work and he was working in the lounge!
Plus if I hoover, shout upstairs to kids whilst he is in a meeting I get told off!
However when I work from home he often walks in and tries to talk to me when I'm in a meeting, or once even get changed behind me!!!!
Tbf I used to go into office 4 days a week and now mainly WFH too so before covid when DH WFH 3 days a week he had house to himself on those days and I know he misses this too!
Since covid our home has also become our workplace, have mixed feelings about this...

he is now the defacto boss of the house rather than me

Why? Why are either of you the boss?

Tbh if my OH was a SAHP and resented me for intruding on "their" space if all I was doing was wfh (ie I wasn't in the living room demanding silence or anything), I'd think they were a dick.

You don’t ‘believe’ in it?

It completely depends on your situation. Working from home can help in multiple ways too.

I really like it, mine works from home about 80% of the time, it means on those days we can have lunch together, he can do the afternoon school pick up which the kids really like, plus it means he’s here for longer in the mornings, rather than leaving the house 45 minutes before work starts.

Another way to look at it is to say we all need time on our own, doing things our way wo having to think about the other person.

The OP dh IS working in the living room or in the kitchen. She’ll have to be careful about everything she does as to not disturb him.
And yes in that way, it means ‘he is the boss’ in that (quite rightly) his need for silence/not being disturbed is coming first.

Its quite different than saying ‘I resent my dh for being there when said dh is in his office, the door shut or is getting on with his own life, wo working.

Why can’t you relax at home?

I can count on one hand the number of times either DH or I has had a meeting important enough to ask anyone in the family to change their behavior in any way. We both are very high ranking people in our respective companies so it’s not like we don’t do important work. We just understand that life goes on.

our child has grown up with this setup and knows how to stay off camera and not interrupt even if she needs to come into our office for some reason.

I still don't know what you mean by "boss of the house". He takes more chores off your plate because of WFH... how is that not a win-win for you? If you can't think of a role/purpose for yourself beyond sorting the house out, that isn't his problem.

And while yes, a house all to oneself is pure bliss, it's a bit of a problem if you feel your partner's presence in the same building means you can't relax or be yourself. Like, you shouldn't feel like that at all. I can't tell whether it's because of him or you.

You also haven't really considered that he doesn't get his house to himself at all?

I'm the one WFH and I'd be pretty put out if DP considered my presence a problem or felt he couldn't relax if I was there.

Yeah I'm not really with you op. It sounds like your kid's father is using his WFH arrangement to be more present for his kids.

It sounds like your current DP is using his WFH arrangement to pull his weight at home.

I'm not really sure what the issue is?!

Oh and you're not even at home anyway, you're in the office!!

Why would you be unhappy that your kids dad is parenting them lots?