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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

Bla bla where do I start?

21 replies

EauBoleaux · 03/05/2008 23:25

Just had crappy evening with OH, he's been away for a few days with work. I'm really tempted to bullet point here as I feel so tangled and confused about it all:

  1. I don't love OH, never have, just fell in to it, got pg, and he's a good father
  2. Don't think he loves me.
  3. We (him and I) suspect he is on the autistic spectrum and really want to find out how to get him tested???
He arrived home this afternoon and gve me the sort of hug you would give your granny, and he patted me on the back. This is nothing new, he is NEVER affectionate (and sex is and always has been pretty crap). I was actually quite plesed to see him when he came in so felt relly disappointed when he 'hugged' me so coldly. He went to bed for the afternoon. Once dc in bed, we sat up and had a meal, I told him how I'd been hurt by his coldness, and somehow he turned it in to a conversation bout how if I left him for someone else he would make absolutely certain I would not get custordy of dc, "have you ever tried fighting a lawyer?". I have no idea how he got in to this state, it felt completely out of context. Oh I could go on and on about the things he said, but the bottom line is.................................I have no idea, what is the bottom line? I don't love him, I would love to not have him in our lives, but he is, and dc adore him. What on earth do I do? [head in hands gently rocking emoticon] Help
OP posts:
Original poster
EauBoleaux · 03/05/2008 23:26

my 'a' doesn't work very well

OP posts:
Tortington · 03/05/2008 23:28

don't stay becuase of threats.

unless you are a neglectful mother with social services intervention - the likleyhood is that you would get custody. and you can get a lawyer too - i mean if you have any assetts that will be divied - what better use of your childrens monehy than to chuck it at the lawyers?

wildhorses · 03/05/2008 23:33

don`t let him bully you

You could contact citzens advice(rights etc etc) if you really do want out

Is that what you want?

Original poster
EauBoleaux · 03/05/2008 23:33

he's a blardy lawyer! He's also capable of being quite vindictive.
I know he'll regret saying what he said, but he'll say it again. I think this evening's rant is down to the fact that dd 2.6 was telling him about how Mummy and Brian (a decorator who has been working at ours for a week or so) were talking and (whisper whisper) crossed the road. I have never seen Brian outside the house, and it was funny when dd was talking about it, but it seems to have upset him.

OP posts:
yurt1 · 03/05/2008 23:34

If you think he's on the spectrum perhaps try this this book. I haven't read it but have hear good reviews and there are other relevant and similar books published by JKP.

wildhorses · 03/05/2008 23:38

he can be as vindictive as he likes the law is on your side .You are the mother and he can do fuck all about that
the kids will be with you don`t let him bambard you with "lawyer speech"

Sounds like he is feeling jealous and very insecure about Brian

Original poster
EauBoleaux · 03/05/2008 23:39

Hmmmm, that boook looks interesting. Thanks Yurt.
I guess I do want out really, but need a better 'plan' in plce before acting.
Custard, I think he is so schiz about things, at moments he would hire the most ruthless lawyers in the country to prove tht I was an incapable mother just, but has moments of sanity when he know how good I am with the DC. He is essentially and fundmentally selfish and would always put his own feelings above those of others, even dc

OP posts:
Original poster
EauBoleaux · 03/05/2008 23:40

whn I say I am good with dc, I possibly let them watch a little too much beebies, but I'm a sight better than good iykwim! He's a c**t!

OP posts:
yurt1 · 03/05/2008 23:42

Well that sounds pretty spectrummy! Have a read of the extract it looks quite relevant to your situation.

wildhorses · 03/05/2008 23:43

who does`nt let dc watch to much beebies its educational?

yurt1 · 03/05/2008 23:44

cbeebies is good.

Original poster
EauBoleaux · 03/05/2008 23:45

Thanks, yes it does. I will try to find out how to get him tested. Although I hve no idea how things will improve if we find out he is

OP posts:
Original poster
EauBoleaux · 03/05/2008 23:47

Phew, that's what I thought!! I'm educating them and cleaning stuff simultaneously!

OP posts:
yurt1 · 03/05/2008 23:49

Possibly not at all (bugger all services) other than knowing what you're dealing with iyswim.

wildhorses · 03/05/2008 23:51

once you know you can get the help and support you and ds need.

Original poster
EauBoleaux · 04/05/2008 00:05

Thnks, I'm going to find out how to get him tested, I guess that it may be best for him to talk to his GP.
Goodness only knows how this will help things between us.

OP posts:
wildhorses · 04/05/2008 00:16

Start with the GP then take it from there
Would he agree to go?

Original poster
EauBoleaux · 04/05/2008 00:20

I don't think he would be happy to ask his GP about this. If it was a ranom unknown specialist he'd be desperate to see them but think he may feel embarrassed with GP. Will see. Thnks for replies wh

OP posts:
wildhorses · 04/05/2008 00:24

Good Luck
Keep up on the cbeebies

nobodyputsBBinthecorner · 04/05/2008 10:16

he wouldnt have said the shite about taking ona lawyer if he wasnt scared IMO so it shows he knows its unlikely you would loose kids

littlewoman · 04/05/2008 14:21

Start the conversation again, and when he tries to divert it just keep saying "you're going off point. I felt quite hurt by your coldness. You may find it difficult to express yourself, but for the sake of our relationship, could you try to make me feel appreciated?" Keep at this point until he gets it and agrees to try. You're not asking much, and all this other rubbish about Brian is clouding the issue. Put your point - ask him to agree to it. After all, it is possible you could love this man if he tried a little harder himself, surely? If he's capable of loving your dc, why not you??

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