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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

IDK WHAT TO DO

17 replies

Gandalf101 · 07/01/2025 12:44

Well my girlfriend (23) and I (22) have been dating for almost a year and a half and throughout I’ve said that I don’t watch porn or anything of such like onlyfans. Recently during a FaceTime call she made me share my screen and proceeded to make me show my instragram and she found a link to a females only fans. I do not remember going onto this link and I’m truly not attracted to this girl. I’ve made it abundantly clear that I’m not attracted to any other girl and that is true I find my girlfriend so beautiful and am not into not influenced by any other female. Following this she broke up with me then proceeded to give me one chance but said the relationship is dead and that she doesn’t feel anything anymore or wants anything. A week after this she sort of got a bit better and said thst there’s a chance we’ll get stuff back but it will be really hard to get intimate stuff back because she’ll just think about the onlyfans girl. When we talk about stuff she just says I’m a liar because I said I don’t like that stuff and I was on it even though I don’t remember being on it. She’s pretty adamant that I’m not attracted to her or like her bidy even though this is just not true. I’ve tried to talk about us and how I’m going to fight for us but she sort of brushes it off sort of but she did say she knows how much I love her and want to be with her. I’m not too sure what to do from here because I really wanna be with her but I’m not sure what she’s thinking right now because she’s saying that we’ll have to see how we are when we see each other since we won’t see each other for 3 weeks back at uni. Do you think we’ll be ok or what ?

OP posts:
WhydontyouMove · 07/01/2025 12:46

What do you think you sound like claiming to have memory problems?

CaptainCabinetsTrappedInCabinets · 07/01/2025 12:47

Just dump her. Life's too short for this shit.

bostonchamps · 07/01/2025 12:49

You both sound 13, not 23. Relationships shouldn't be this hard.

Kashmiri24 · 07/01/2025 12:50

Good God, you're young, enjoy being footloose and fancy free, don't tie yourself down to a relationship that is such hard work.

TwistedWonder · 07/01/2025 12:51

She ‘made you’ share your screen and scroll through your Instagram - fuck that!

You are way too young yo deal with this shit. Break up and do each other a favour

rainbowstardrops · 07/01/2025 12:52

Im not sure how it's slipped your mind that you've been on OnlyFans at some point but relationships shouldn't really be this difficult when you're both so young.

unsync · 07/01/2025 13:00

Plenty more fish in the sea. Find someone who is less dramatic.

Toseland · 07/01/2025 13:29

If you go on my Instagram I find I've been added to porn and OnlyFans groups daily, though I've never looked at such pages or invited this. It's really annoying, I can't stop it happening.
I don't blame women for being really careful though.

Naunet · 07/01/2025 13:40

She's being ridiculous and is clearly painfully insecure (assuming you dont have a history of cheating or lying), but she's using that as an excuse to treat you badly, rather than seeing it's her issue and getting therapy.
Do you really want to deal with this crap?

ManHereSorry · 07/01/2025 13:45

She’s controlling and jealous, get rid of her or she’ll make your life hell.

Cheesandcrackers · 07/01/2025 14:34

You may or may not have added the onlyfans profile. What's important is that she now has this over you and will trot it out every time she thinks you've stepped out of line. It's basically coercive control. Just leave.

Gandalf101 · 07/01/2025 14:56

I was never on only fans it was just a link from someone’s instagram bio that I clicked on - and yeah I honestly don’t remember going on it because I don’t watch porn or anything of the sort

OP posts:
Gandalf101 · 07/01/2025 14:58

I’ve never cheated at all before and I suppose yeah I have lied before but not like this. I did say I don’t go on these sorts of things and she feels like I’ve lied based on what she found in my instagram link history

OP posts:
Ladybadenbadenbaden · 08/01/2025 04:46

She's addicted to drama. If you do want her back, stop putting up with her crap. I wouldn't contact her. When she contacts you I'd be alloof. Tell her you've explained everything, there's nothing more to be said. She either believes you or she doesn't. Stop pleading - it's doesn't earn her respect, she's just enjoying being placed on a pedestal. She'll value you more if you stand up for yourself. I would also seriously question why you want a relationship with someone so emotionally immature that they'll repeatedly pick fights over nothing.

Monty27 · 08/01/2025 05:08

You're better off without that weirdness in your life. There's good people out there so go and enjoy yourself. You sound lovely. You don't deserve that rubbish.

category12 · 08/01/2025 05:50

You'd be far better off letting her go.

You don't need someone in your life who is going to scour your internet history like this. It's not normal.

TheAverageJoanne · 08/01/2025 06:43

Toseland · 07/01/2025 13:29

If you go on my Instagram I find I've been added to porn and OnlyFans groups daily, though I've never looked at such pages or invited this. It's really annoying, I can't stop it happening.
I don't blame women for being really careful though.

What do you mean by "added"? Do you mean you're being followed by such Instagram accounts? If you don't follow back you're not really added. Just block them.

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