To wish he would just ask how I’m feeling/if I’m OK

[Neenaw76]

I sound very needy in the title.

I’m mid 30s, have sailed through life being so laid back I could be horizontal, no mental health issues, nothing. Until around 6 months ago, I started feeling anxious about my health and since then it’s escalated very quickly and I now literally think I’m going die 15-20 times a day.

It took a lot for me to ask the doctor for help but glad I did and I’m doing some online CBT and awaiting an appointment to speak to a counsellor.

My husband works away for long periods of time, I haven’t seen him for nearly 5 weeks, he will be home in 2 weeks. Not once has he asked me how I’m feeling. I know if I’m having a struggle then I should message and tell him but I just hate bothering anyone, I hate coming across like I can’t cope and I hate asking for any help.

If the shoe was on the other foot I’d be asking him daily how he was feeling mentally but I feel like he just doesn’t care. Maybe he doesn’t know what to say. I don’t know 👎🏻

If I bring this to his attention it’s only going to piss him off. Should I continue to battle this myself and hope for the best?

He likely doesn't know what to say, and doesn't want to feed into your worries about your health.
If you are thinking you are dying every day, then every time he asked, you be saying you felt like something was really wrong, iyswim?
It doesn't mean he doesn't love you, or want what's best for you, but that he is not really equipped to support like that especially from a distance

Yes I suppose.

I’m not the type that would go on and on about it if he did ask me. I would just say how I was feeling and a positive comment from him would probably do me the world of good (temporarily)

How has he been during the earlier months while this was escalating? Not to excuse it all, but if you've always been in control of everything till now, he may just have no idea how to cope and be hoping it goes away if he ignores it. Not great but I can see how it could happen.

He will only discuss it with me if I bring it up to him, which as I’ve said I hate doing! So we’ve rarely spoke about it.

I feel like it’s a pretty big thing that I’m going through (obviously loads of other people going through worse!) and he’s just not supporting me. Maybe it’s because there’s still some stigma around mental health? Not sure

What prompted this feeling 6 months ago OP? That's a big switch from being a calm person to someone who now has such anxiety. If you can pinpoint what started these feelings if may help you understand how to help yourself overcome what sound like intrusive thoughts . l am glad you are due to have counselling soon, hopefully that will help you to put things in perspective. Do you have any friends or family to turn to for support when you are feeling anxious? Just someone to chat to would help. If your husband is away for long periods its hard for him to give you long distance support but he would probably be happy to reassure you if you can make a regular time to chat. Have you asked him?

I really don’t know what’s prompted it. At the start of last year my daughter had a seizure completely out of the blue so it’s possibly stemmed from there however I don’t worry about my loved ones dying, only me.

I do have family and friends I could turn to but I don’t like to worry anyone. As a teen I was fiercely independent and I still am (wouldn’t think it being all needy!) and I’ve always sorted out any issues I’ve ever had on my own, with no help.

I haven’t asked him but I might message him. Maybe I need to cut him some slack and he thinks I’m coping fine when I’m not.

thanks ☺️

OP, yes please do tell him and confide how anxious you are feeling. If he isn't aware he can't help you can he? Also reach out to a friend and maybe a family member that you trust, it will really help you to share some of your worries. It's all well and good being fiercely independent but we all need a bit of support from time to time.
It sounds like the incident with your daughter may well have triggered these anxious thoughts and feelings that you are having, it must have been very scary at the time, especially if you were on your own with her when it happened.
I do hope she is ok and doing well now?
Don't be worried about looking needy OP, share your worries and l am sure you will find you feel a little calmer. Just knowing you can text or call someone when you feel panicky will be a relief, you really don't have to do everything in your own. Xx