Completely trapped in abusive home

[matilda1077]

Ended the relationship due to coercive control, emotional and financial abuse. We have a mortgage and 2 little girls.

Since splitting with him, he has sent me abusive messages every single day, says nasty things to me infront of the children (ie yesterday called me a 'fxxxing cxxt' infront of them) and is destroying/hiding my possessions. He's also not cleaning up after himself and letting cups/plates go mouldy all over the house.

The council have said that since this is a domestic abuse case, they can help me with rental costs until the house is sold, which means me and the girls can get out sooner and not have to live in this misery. Trouble is, no landlord wants to touch me because I'll be using UC/Housing to contribute towards my rent. I do work but my annual income doesn't meet what the min requirement of £41,000 per annum. I have parents who are home owners but both retired and not earning a min of £41,000 per annum so one estate agent told me not to bother applying with them anymore. I have applied for housing association but the waitlist is 3 years for a place in our borough and I can't move because of my dds school.

I feel utterly trapped and don't know how much more I can take. Does anyone have any suggestions?

If you are in fear for your safety call the police and have him removed from the home.

Can you contact womens aid for advice?

Would you be willing to take on rooms in someone else’s house? I know a few lovely people who live in big houses and rent out rooms in them to lodgers, but I appreciate that this may not provide the privacy you wish for for your girls. It’s a trade-off and in your shoes I think i’d prefer to find a granny type you can feel at home with rather than live with a man who is so vile to you. Financially this may also not be feasible.

Or would you go to a refuge?

Or ask a friend if they can take you in for a few months? I have a friend who has taken in two sets of friends (at different times!) whose marriages have broken down, and their children. She is very generous in spirit but not the only person who has done this in a friend’s time of need.

I tried to help a friend get a non mol order against her husband and was shocked to find out she didn’t qualify for the legal aid that she needed to apply for it, despite her income being negligible.

Also - have you thought about or would you think about moving your children to another school and having a fresh start? There is a lot of turnover in primary school and it’s much easier to move children around then that once school involves exams and settled adolescent friendship groups, so is always a possible.

Can you go to stay with your parents?