He's a grown man, but...

[Theotherone234]

Been married over 20 years. Kids grown up. 'We' have some house rules which he completely ignores. No outdoor shoes to be worn indoors. He's currently clumping around in his boots and the carpet is filthy. Even my young grandkids can manage to remove their shoes. We don't even need to ask. So why does a 50 year old man not do it?

If I ask him why he says he forgot, or didn't have time to do it yet, or he's going back out soon.

And then snarls at me or sighs heavily because then I'm nagging.

Apart from LTB what else can I do? He's not receptive to normal discussions or change or self improvement.

I'm just fed up 😪

He's not receptive to normal discussions or change or self improvement.

With this statement from you I dont think there is a lot you can do in all honestly. He's not going to suddenly change his behaviour now is he after 20 years?

Can you ask him to clean up the carpet as a prompt for ensuring he knows why the remove outdoor shoes rule exists??

If he didn't clean up after you asked - would you leave the mess or just go ahead and clean it up yourself after a while anyway (between gritted teeth probably?)

I'd ask hem to vacuum up the mess. If he dirsnt then leave the dirt on the carpet. Your his wife and not his maid.

House rules? Or your rules? One sounds like it’s been mutually agreed, the other sounds like a diktat. If you’ve unilaterally decided the rules then that does sound a bit unreasonable.

Is this the only bad thing about him?

Except I'm willing to bet a week's wages that he's not the one cleaning the carpet.

Apart from LTB what else can I do? He's not receptive to normal discussions or change or self improvement.

Put up and shut up then. He won't talk about it, won't change, he's staying the way he is.

That's very disrespectful behaviour as I assume you're going to clean up after him. I doubt asking him to do it would achieve anything, though you can try.

There are a couple of ways forward. A conversation where you explain how his behaviour makes you feel and how to compromise and move forward.

Stop cleaning up after him. Let him take care of himself. He does his own cooking and cleaning.

I'd get the carpet cleaned, then put down a large easy cleanable rug over it to protect it.

I don't clean up after him so then I have to live in a dirty messy house. He does the cooking and washing up because when we first met I refused to clean up the mess he made after cooking ( he likes cooking).

@ForMintUser We decided to not wear outdoor shoes indoors when we got a new carpet. We both agreed. If he didn't want to do it I would have asked him for a different solution to dirty carpets. He's an adult and I don't tell him what to do. Which is why I don't know what to do about this situation

Ask him to arrange and be in for a carpet cleaner...

Spray him with a water gun till he remembers to remove them 🤔 get the grandkids involved 😂

In all honesty OP besides 'nagging' not sure you can do much as you said he's a grown man. You shouldn't have to shout off every time he comes home to remind him

So he cooks and does all the washing up (because you’ve said you don’t like tidying up after he cooks). …. Are you somewhat expecting him to do it all or do you feel there’s equitability in the relationship?

Okay he doesn’t take his shoes off (I don’t like people not taking their shoes off with carpet either). I get it may be annoying but presumably you may do things that annoy him too.

You've been married a long time and we can all have annoying traits. If he’s generally okay apart from this you need to find a compromise.