A bit of back story.
I met the father of my children in my teens and married young. We had 3 lovely children together who all have additional needs and one with complex medical issues.
We were together for 17 years and married for 15 of those years.
The last 6 years of the marriage my ex turned very controlling. He was struggling with his own mental health demons but refused to admit to it or seek help. The relationship became emotionally abusive and after a lot of trying to make it work I walked away with the children. I left him the house and everything in it and me and the kids started afresh.
I was living off of adrenaline and loved my new found freedom. No going home to an atmosphere. No treading on eggshells.
Now growing up my one and only dream was to have a happy loving family. My own parents split when I was 4 and that's the one thing I never wanted. That is the reason I stayed in a marriage that was destroying me. Pride and not wanting to admit my dream wasn't a reality.
I have since met someone else and I have remarried. On the whole we are incredibly happy together. To be with someone who doesn't shout at me and call me names is a breath of fresh air (I know l, the bare minimum right)! To not have to worry what I'm coming home to etc etc.
But deep down I am still hurt that I will never get my dream family. Every sc comes over I'm reminded that my own family unit is broken. Whilst I did what was best for myself and the children it still hurts that my exh turned into the person he did. It still hurts that I'll never have a solid family. A blended family is so far from what I thought it would be. I was incredibly naive. Knowing what I do now; I'd never do it again or recommend it. But it's where I am now.
I guess I'm just looking to see if anyone else has struggled to get over that 'ideal' family dream being broken.