Reconnecting with an ex

[Pookie2526]

Hi mumsnet,
I could really do with some advice and/or stories from anyone who may have been in a similar situation. I'll try to keep it as short as possible and not write an essay!

I am female 36 and my ex is male 31, we were together for 5 months and very happy together. Things were great between us but things unfortunately ended due to timings. We were both very early on in our careers and both struggling to find suitable jobs with hours we like etc..I had started a new job as a nurse when we met and just before we broke up he had started a new job as a truck driver. I was the one to instigate ending things which I have HUGE regrets over, and which has only got worse since we broke up 4 months ago.

My anxiety got the better of me and I took it very personally that his new job then meant he could only see me on a Friday night and Saturday day. I shut down and withdrew and ended things for fear of being hurt (only hurting myself more I see now in the process). I miss him so so much. I see things differently now and now have a job where our schedules would align. 4 months apart has given me alot of time to think and to reflect on how I behaved, how my anxious attachment pushed him away and my fear of being hurt led me to run instead of staying and fighting for someone i love. I felt stressed from work and had only just started the job I was in 2 weeks to us breaking up, he was also stressed working 10 hour days 5 days a week. There were no major arguments, we didn't stop loving each other, noone cheated or was abusive or nasty , the breakup was all timing related due to our work circumstances at the time.

He had found some things of mine yesterday and messaged me to let me know. I FINALLY bit the bullet and let him know (somewhat how I feel), I told him I really regret shutting down and pushing him away instead of trying to figure things out and that it wasn't from lack of love on my end that I behaved the way I did, and that I saw his job needed to be his priority. He told me he misses me often which surprised me. I so want to tell him that I want to try again but I don't want to pressure him, especially after I was the one to end things. I have started therapy for my attachment issues, and plan to meet him in 4/6 weeks to give myself some time to make positive changes. I have a different perspective than I did 4 months ago about the little time he could give me and I feel like there is still love there.

Has anyone ever broken up with an ex and successfully gotten back together? How did you navigate this?
Has anyone ever had time apart and it has been better the second time around?

It was a 5 month relationship, and (his?) text is already talking about big and little issues.
At 5 months there should be NO issues, still nothing but excitement and enthusiasm & honeymoon period.

All sounds like it was way too much drama for the length of time.

Get the therapy and find something healthier with someone else and without the baggage, this doesn't sound like it would be worth resurrecting and it sounds like you've maybe romanticised it somewhat.

Six weeks is nowhere near long enough to deal with an anxious attachment disorder. He's telling you clearly there were a lot of issues in the relationship - big and small. You've already messed him around once, why not just let him move on and meet someone else?

Not being the relationship has lessend the anxious attachment noise. How about you work on your issues now you’ve acknowledged them.

I know you haven’t included your names on those screenshots of personal messages but there is a lot of identifiable information in them together with your post.

Deep for such a short relationship…see how it goes

Agree with this. 5 months in should be sunshine and rainbows not so many deep.issues

Honestly, you sound like you're 26 and 21, not 36 and 31. This is all very deep for a 5 month relationship. If there were that many issues in the first few months, it's not the one.

I think what I would get from his message is that he does still care but he agrees there were a lot of problems for the relationship to continue so ending it was probably for the best. It seems like you two are going through some very difficult times so why not keep communication open and try be friends then see where it goes?