Hi everyone!
My husband and I have been together for 4 years. I’m 28 years old, and he’s 36. No kids.
I can count on one hand the number of times we’ve had sex after going on special outings or dates. For example, when we stay in hotels, go to spas, or even go out to restaurants or bars for a date, we never come home and have sex. I’ve brought this up to him several times, and he says that he only thinks about relaxing when we go to those places.
Even after parties, dinners, or nights out, it never happens either. For me, these are great opportunities to break the routine as a couple, but for him, it feels like “pressure,” though I’m not sure I believe that.
One time, we stayed at a hotel, and I went to take a shower. When I came back, he was already asleep (he always falls asleep or says he’s tired). That specific day, I had to wake him up so we could be intimate. This has been happening since the beginning of our relationship.
In 4 years, we’ve had sex in special situations about 5 times. At home, he has the desire about once a month, and if we try more than once that month, he can’t perform.
Is this normal? I feel very frustrated and unhappy.
I’ve tried so many things to change this. I’ve encouraged him to get his hormones tested, bought toys, and asked him about his preferences… but nothing seems to improve.
Our sex life feels like a nightmare because I feel there’s such a huge disconnect between us. It’s like I have to beg him to be intimate with me, and even when we do, it doesn’t last long. I love him, and we have a great relationship full of affection, but I often feel sad and unfulfilled.
I just want to feel young and have a more adventurous relationship.
What would you do in my place?