what do i do

[honeybee1995]

i have been with my partner almost 5 years however we broke up in march 2024 and was on and off for 5 months (technically never apart) as we was always meeting up and sleeping together and planning on getting back with each other …. however he made bo changes which leaded us to not making it official ….

back in june he lost his job and he was meant to be coming on holiday with my family which he cancelled due to stress of loosing his job.

once i got back from my holiday we didnt speak for 2 weeks as he wasnt commited to giving us another go or to change due to him being distant with me and him saying he wants a baby and a future to him then changing his mind “mind games i know”

so in august we decided to give it another go thing was amazing …. FINALLY

then in september i found calls on his phone between another lass and images of them on dates …. my heart sank i managed to contact her to find out that they have been in a full blown relationship for 6 months he had met her family, gone on dates and planned to go on holiday …. he attended exact same dates he took me and was going to take her on holiday for her birthday (to the same place he was gunna re propose to me) there was other things she said too what sounded exact to how he is with me ….. he even told her he loved her ….like wtf ….found out that he was sleeping with her after me and making excuses that he was working (technically he was living a double life)

so once i found out i was so angry and upset/ hurt how someone who makes out he adores and loves you …. do this…..

then guess what silly idiot over here takes him back now its like im getting different versions of him hes leaving for work in the morning with not his usual uniform on …… he told me that i could have his location to gain trust …. however he told me he had multiple jobs and lied a certain day he only attended one when i rang him he was acting nervous and shifty, my ex reccomended him the job which then led me to believe he wasnt cheating although if it wasnt for him telling me i would be so done…. he made out he didnt wanna tell me hes in a certain place for so long as i would get suspicious….. what the hell im becoming something im not / looking at his location thinking hes up to no good due to amount of lies hes told on top of him been very off and different with me…

hes now also got codes on his phone and still is very secretive…. AM I GOING INSANE.

carnt cope no more any advice would be great

there is more to it but ide be here all day typing

also he fills my head with absolute shit hes wanting a baby with me i said i need to gain trust first hes not even committing to live with me never mind a baby ….

back when he was with that other lass he once rang me crying asking if i was pregant ….. like why !!!!

OP you need to give yourself a shake and dump him. He's obviously still having an affair.

Why you took him back I've got no idea but you're in an open relationship. Have you been tested?

He's a pathological liar and thinks he's the big man with his two ladies. He's just a scum bag and he'll be giving you the runaround for the rest of your life.

Dump him, block his number and do some work on yourself so you don't end up with someone like this again.

Honestly OP, grow up, have some self respect and learn to value yourself. The man is an absolute shitshow.

This man sounds completely nuts. You would be an idiot ever to trust him. Move on!

What do you do?? You dump him, thank your stars for contraception, never see or speak to him again and get on with your life.

I had something similar happen to me in my early twenties. I let it go on much longer than I should have and he mucked me about something chronic for a couple of years. Please don't waste your life on this; your time is far too precious.

I eventually got rid after a bit of an intervention by my two best friends. Within a couple of years I'd met the man I'm now married to and he treats me like gold every single day and always has. We have been together 15 years this year and I sometimes shudder thinking that I could have let my scumbag ex keep messing me about and missed the opportunity of a lifetime with my wonderful husband.

You are too important, special and your time is too valuable to be treated this way. Fuck him off, block him, work on yourself, be kind to yourself. Someone is out there who's just waiting to treat you how you deserve to be treated.

Good luck, lovely.

Run for the hills!!! Get him out out out of your house, get him blocked, get rid. He's not going to change.

Why are you wasting your life on someone who clearly doesn't want to be with you? I genuinely find this baffling. Is he making your life better? If no, get rid, move on. Life's too short.

thank you all so much for your replies im so done with him i should have never gone back and it took these comments to give me a wake up call

i took him back with the fear of being lonely i dont have much support around me that give me the best of advice

but im so done i carnt keep on living like this think i need to focus on my self and sort my life out and be greatful that i have my little boy by my side

time to bloody get a grip and move on your all so right he will never change and i kinda knew that from the second i took him back

ive been tested hun im all clear thank god

hi all so ive left him hes sent no end of messages saying hes not giving up on us and that he loves me so much baring in mind he hasn’t apologised for him lying NYE saying he went to more than one job which he hadnt …

yesterday i came home to flowers on my doorstep with no note or anything ….. i messaged him asking if he had sent them and why not say who they are from, his reply was actions speak louder than words 🤦🏼‍♀️

dont think this man understands where he goes wrong or even knows how to be in a relationship

Don’t get reeled back in op.
It’s bad now but if you ever have a dc with him it will be worse, you’ll be vulnerable.
Block him, move on with your life.

Why bother messaging him?? Just ignore ignore ignore. You don't need this shit in your life

You're in danger of enjoying this a bit too much, he's cheating on you but he's sent you flowers so he must really love me. No, you're his play thing and he likes having women fighting over him.

Block and delete , get some self esteem guidance and spend sometime without a man.

Block him from your phone and socials. He sounds absolutely vile, he's a cheating scumbag! Well done on leaving him but you gotta keep strong.. he's used to you taking him back which is why he's trying to sweeten you up. Once he's done that he will be back to his own ways. Don't be a fool have some self respect and don't give him the time of day.

He knows what he's doing.
Look up love bombing and future faking.

A good friend of mine was seeing a man for two years who did almost exactly this. When she dumped him he sent her desperate begging messages, he was heartbroken, couldn't live without her, she was the only person who had ever really understood him, he'd do anything to have her back...

...then she found out some of those messages were sent while he was lying in bed next to a woman who he'd been seeing for a full six months before they broke up. He'd been seeing other women the entire time they were together. All the women found out about and talked to each other, and also found out he'd brought up marriage with them all, and had used exactly the same lines with every single one of them.

Some men want an ego boost more than they want a relationship, and they don't care how they get it or who they hurt in the process. It's pathetic, and you're worth more than this.

The begging means nothing at all OP, don't be swayed. Genuinely your best option is to send one last message saying it's over and you aren't interested in getting back together, then totally ignore him.

I’ve no idea why op but he obviously likes drama and putting you through a whole load of mind games and he is fundamentally untrustworthy. Your very first paragraph, never mind the rest, makes it clear he enjoys having the power to be on off, on off with you.

It’s an abusive pattern.

The month in August you spent with him was not amazing because he was cheating on you then.

The baby talk is all just banter to get you to think he is serious; a way of potentially exerting power over you if that is something you eventually want.

I have no idea why you took him back op but I am so glad that you can now see that it was a big mistake.

Do not sleep with him again and make yourself potentially vulnerable to having his child. He is not good husband or father material and you would be forever linked to him if you get pregnant. And he would make your life an utter misery.

Think about who you do want as a partner. You need someone safe, dependable, honest, with a job. Who treats you properly with respect.

You don’t need one more day of someone who drives you crazy bc they are untrustworthy. And you never know where you are with them. Nor do you want that for your dc.

Run for the hills op! As fast as possible! Just break away and block him.

Five years is a long time. Go to your family and let them sort out the rest. Try not to be alone with him ever again.

thank you so much everyone for yojr feedback means alot and your all so right ….. since leaving that piece of shit ive felt loads better in my self ….. spending more time with family instead of been stuck in bed most days with no motivation

that man dragged me down ive also booked for therapy to help me cope with all this on top of anxiety ….. im gunna focus on me from now on and my son and not let him walk back through my door to ruin me getting better ….. it fuckin hurts so bad when you thourght you had a future with someone and love them ….. ill not trust a man for a long time now 😭

Well done for breaking free op. I didn’t realise you had a ds too! Even more important to be out from under the influence of a player in that case!

And well done for seeking therapy. You will come out of all of this a heck of a lot stronger.

Well done for getting free of him.

He doesn't love you. He lies to you. He's in a relationship with another woman. He future fakes - makes promises he has no intention of keeping, just to keep you in line.

Don't let him reel you back in. He isn't doing it because he loves you and wants to be faithful and truthful from now on. He's doing it to get you back in your place so he can continue to have his cake and eat it, and he can feel like the big man by keeping 2 (or more) women wanting him.

He isn't worth it. You deserve better.

If he leaves flowers - ignore. If he messages you - ignore. If he knocks on your door - ignore.

You'll be so much happier without him. Being single is 1000000 tinmes better than being with the wrong person.