Obsessing over narc ex

[Clmt]

Feeling quite low. I believe my ex, now 'co parent' is a narcissist. He discarded me in July 2023 after an argument, then in September after finding out I was pregnant, then discarded me fully (no recycling) in January after I told him that I didn't want to keep spending time together intimately or hanging out at eachothers house unless we were going to be an item.

Fast forward, things got nasty after I found out about him and my 'best friend' sleeping together and having a secret relationship behind my back whilst I was pregnant. We werent together at this point but it was still sneaky and heartbreaking.

Since then, things have been so frosty and unpredictable. I ended up blocking him everywhere except SMS because after our last disagreement I am so fed up of him and I want to create as much distance as I can so I can try and heal.

However, I saw he was on Hinge and saw some girls he was following on instagram who live in his new neighbourhood. I can't help but compare myself as they are everything I'm not - ambitious, pretty, confident, undamaged, have friends, hobbies etc and I feel jealous/envious that they have his attention, even though I don't want him...and that he gets to carry on life as a single man, dating etc whilst I carry all of the parenting, have no social life (lost many friends because of my relationship with him), and cant date because of baby and I also feel like no one gives me that vibe that he did. I have no confidence or self esteem and I am always exhausted from single parenting.

I am constantly thinking about the past when things were good, and how it got here. And I am constantly thinking about what hes doing and who he is with...but as I said, I dont even want him back?

I have started building healthy habits and all that and generally in a much better place. But its been almost a year and a half since trouble really began and I am still not over it.

Any advice?

Yes I have some advice. Block him on all social media. You're going to have to go cold turkey.

Work on your self esteem. Try The Six Pillars of Self Esteem and there are self esteem workbooks and other things you can try.

Try journalling, it helps to get this stuff out of your head. Every time you feel nostalgic, write down everything bad he did and all his flaws.

Join some baby groups and support groups for single parents. Try Gingerbread to see if there's anything in your area.

Have a think about doing yoga and meditation. I know it's hard to find the tim but you can do yoga at home and you can meditate for ten minutes.

Solidarity here . My situation is slightly different but also trying to stop obsessing over the narcissist who I can't seem to let go of. They really have a way of getting into your head don't they. Did yours love bomb you too in the beginning? I feel like I'm always chasing that high that I felt from him in the beginning and now looking back I keep focusing on that high , instead of the horrible way he discarded me. I don't have kids or anything like that with this guy but somehow I'm still in contact with him, I lap up any little scraps of attention he sends.my way all whilst secretly wishing it could go back to the way it was before he discarded me . It must be even harder trying to co parent. And there's this feeling of always wanting to be 'picked ' by this person (even though we know they are terrible!!) And feeling crushed to not be the 'chosen' one . It's such an indescribable situation unless you've been in it. I wasn't even sure I fancied him before I got attached !
Anyway sorry I can't offer much In the way of advice but just to let you know your not alone . I'm trying things like working on my self esteem and building myself up, but easier said than done.