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Original poster

I asked for a divorce

5 replies

TheLastXmas · 05/01/2025 23:19

H and I have been together 15 years. We have 2 primary aged kids. Things have been pretty bad for a long time. We had years of fertility treatment, miscarriages, failed cycles which put a strain on our relationship. TBH it put a huge strain on me and my MH. Anyhow, we had the first via ICSI. the second very quickly after. I have felt a lack of care from H for long time. On top of that he can be lazy and disrespectful. I've asked him for a divorce but I don't really know what the right way to go about it is. I dong want him to move out so soon to christmas and tarnish the kids memory of it but when exactly do you pull the plug? Is it best to do it at the start of half term so they have a week to adjust or just get it over and done with. How do you do it in the least detrimental way for the children?

OP posts:
YourSnugHazelTraybake · 05/01/2025 23:24

What makes you think he'll move out? You know he doesn't have to. You're going to have to discuss with him what happens next, you're going to have to talk about timelines and child arrangements. If the home is owned you're going to have to discuss either putting it up for sale or one of you buying the other out. It's nowhere near as simple as you seem to think. Even if he does agree to move out, unless he has family he could stay with it could take months for him to find somewhere to rent.

Original poster
TheLastXmas · 05/01/2025 23:30

YourSnugHazelTraybake · 05/01/2025 23:24

What makes you think he'll move out? You know he doesn't have to. You're going to have to discuss with him what happens next, you're going to have to talk about timelines and child arrangements. If the home is owned you're going to have to discuss either putting it up for sale or one of you buying the other out. It's nowhere near as simple as you seem to think. Even if he does agree to move out, unless he has family he could stay with it could take months for him to find somewhere to rent.

Our house is a rental. He has agreed to move out and go and move in with his dad. The kids will stay with me. Im the primary care. It's a matter of what's in the best interests of the kids and how to do it in the least damaging way.

OP posts:
YourSnugHazelTraybake · 05/01/2025 23:36

In that case it honestly is unlikely to make a difference. If he (hopefully) is going to keep spending time with the kids then just get it done, there'll never be a 'good' time. If the kids are young they'll soon forget when he left, before Christmas might have been different, but after not so much. Good luck and hopefully you'll have a happier new year x

Original poster
TheLastXmas · 05/01/2025 23:40

YourSnugHazelTraybake · 05/01/2025 23:36

In that case it honestly is unlikely to make a difference. If he (hopefully) is going to keep spending time with the kids then just get it done, there'll never be a 'good' time. If the kids are young they'll soon forget when he left, before Christmas might have been different, but after not so much. Good luck and hopefully you'll have a happier new year x

Thanks. I just don't want to traumatise them or for them to associate it with christmas.

OP posts:
raysan · 06/01/2025 00:46

It shouldn't make a difference IMO. Have your simple story straight ('daddy has gone to live with grandpa'), and - if at all possible - see that his contact is consistent. Its the failure to turn up that (I hear) causes more abandonment issues than anything. Kids love to feel wanted

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