Changes in income

[Changingplace]

I’ve been married for 12 years, up until recently we’d always both earned around the same (about £45k each) and split all bills etc 50/50, we sold a house I owned before we got married to buy where we live now and I put in all the equity (although DH had moved in and contributed towards all bills etc).

We have no DC.

I give this as background because I feel like previously we’ve been a team financially but now I’m questioning thinking I’ve been naive.

DH got a new job, and now brings in about double what I do, but expects everything to still be 50/50 on all bills/household expenses.

Our house really needs work doing, our kitchen is falling apart but when I bring up whether he can put more into our savings to fund it he’s reluctant and can’t really explain where this extra money is going - it all seems very ‘what’s mine is mine’.

I feel like he’s insinuating I’m being grabby by suggesting ‘his’ money could be used to sort the house out, or contribute more towards the bills/mortgage so we both have equal speeds - surely that’s what you do when you’re married?

How can I get him to understand this isn’t how finances should work in a marriage, when I’ve been the one with the equity for a house I wish I’d now ringfenced it as ‘mine’ like he’s now doing :(

Wrong post!!

A lot of people are in marriages in name only, OP you're one of them sadly.

Tell him that you need to get legal advice on a post-nup arrangement to ringfence the amount you put into your current home from a non-marital asset.

Obviously he was happy to benefit from your increased disposable income at the time, but now the situation is reversed, he's not playing nicely. And he can't have it both ways.

See if that focuses his mind.

But ultimately it doesn't sound great.

Absolutely. I would look into this immediately if it were me. Divorce would be on the horizon if he didn’t get himself together.

You can’t ’make him’ pay more unfortunately. Your key issue is he has no incentive to listen to you as the status quo suits him.
I would point out he has changed the goal posts now it is in his own favour and say if he is absolutely determined to insist on 50/50 then so be it. I would calculate the amount of the deposit I contributed to the house adjusted for current prices and state he is currently behind by that much. I would then stop providing any money towards bills and state I will resume once his deficit has been cleared so that we can resume on the 50/50 basis he prefers.
If he complains, ask him what he wants - 50/50 or based on means? He is being inconsistent.
I would also ensure I did not contribute more than 50/50 towards shared life tasks either. Personally, I would then either wait until I had recouped the investment in the house to separate, or break myself if necessary making sure I got a job earning much more than him in order to shove the 50/50 in his face - or possibly both. But then I am just that vindictive!